Paul and I spent the weekend in Redding to sort of confirm the plans that have been bouncing around in our hearts. We had already decided to move there, but other than books and pod casts had never been a part of the physical experience. In fact, just several weeks ago I wanted to experience Bethel but had no idea that we would be moving there, not just visiting. But here we are officially planning to leave everything behind to pursue this desire.
This weekend was such a God ordained trip. First of all, Paul and I had not been together by ourselves overnight since our three day honeymoon (almost 4 years ago!). We needed a break, and bad. I was honestly quite terrified that we would rip one another to shreds. It was quite the opposite. This Redding move has drawn us together more than I could have imagined .First of all, we have to catch each other on a daily basis. When I’m faint with fear, Paul comes behind me with a dose of faith. When Paul is in doubt, I too catch him. We couldn’t do this without one another. Five hours in the car with all of the In N Out that we could ingest proved to be a total blessing. We laughed, talked, prayed, and dreamed of all this trip would hold for us. We stayed with Chris and Jody Trott who were so gracious to open their amazing home to us, and offer food fit for royalty! We were so spoiled. The Friday service was so good. I had such an intimate experience with the Lord that honestly left an open wound in my heart. But that’s a good thing, I am convinced. The reason I want to be at Bethel is because I want to grow, I want to move farther into the Father’s love for me and I know there are some blocks in my heart. I went to Bethel for an infusion of joy and grace, and instead came out with renewed strength, and yes, some pain. But that’s ok because God is not finished with me yet. Thank goodness.
I hardly slept Friday night. There was just so much on my mind. Housing and employment for Paul, and just taking it all in. Paul kept asking me, “Are you ready for this to be home?” and I just had no straight answer. It was all chaos in my brain. I am not even sure if there was peace as my morning started because I was overwhelmed with all that had to get done-all that has to happen that I literally have no control over. Paul told me as we pulled out from the Trott’s neighborhood,
“This day is about us, about our new chapter. RELAX! Let’s have a good day.”
So yes, we were not productive in the sense that nothing from my ‘list’ got accomplished. But we enjoyed each other. We got lost in Redding ten times, back and forth down the same streets looking for a restaurant we had seen an hour before. We visited the mall, Barnes and Nobles, Chipotle, Yaks Coffee, Starbucks, and more, more, more because we were so in love with this city. We were falling in love with it, and with each other again as we embarked on this adventure together. I was so tired towards the end of the day, but I told Paul that we had to look at least ONE HOUSE while we were out there. So we did. It was the house I picked out of fear: cheap, small…scary even? Oh yes. How sad for me that the one thing on my list that got crossed off was the most unproductive thing I’ve ever done in my life! One day, put me in a house behind the junk/train yard to minister, but not when my babies are young! So that didn’t work. Paul picked up an application to a local restaurant and we went back to the Trott’s house where they had planned a BBQ for us to meet another young couple that had left their “home” for a call to Redding. The entire evening was such a blessing to us. It’s safe to say that as we went to bed that night we were itching to be in Redding permanently.
Sunday morning was about cleaning and gathering and eating quick breakfasts before going to the Sunday service. Of course, it was so good. It was a confirmation in our hearts once more that we were just meant to be there. I received so many hugs that morning- stranger hugs, nonetheless! After the service, we said goodbye to our hosts, and headed to In N Out where we laughed at our pathetic country selves, we waited in a line of 15 cars to get to the drive thru window! We just couldn’t go home without it….and then it was time to pull onto the freeway. And Paul asked me again, “Are you ready for this to be home?”
Oh yes. I peered out the window to watch Shasta disappear into the distance. “It’s ok babe, we’ll be here soon enough.” The rest of the trip was sort of eventless since I told Paul I just had to sleep or I’d go crazy! When we got to Oakdale I stirred, in bad need of a bathroom break thanks to my beautiful 26 week old baby resting on my bladder. I was able to enjoy the final stretch back to Sonora and truthfully, it was strange. Paul said it best, “it’s like, Redding is my home now, you know?” It totally felt like that. Like we were coming back to Sonora to tie up some loose ends, knowing the whole time we were bound for something new.
Now more than ever I am in a place of faith that this is happening. Except every other minute when I think, “Oh God, what if this doesn’t happen?” Sure, we’ve paid our deposit. We’ve given notice on our house, and to Starbucks. But what if this doesn’t happen? The Lord has spoken to me so many times, “I’ve paved a way.” That implies that this is a straight path. Simple even. He is paving the way before my feet, and I am too afraid to take a step just in case there is nothing there. Now that I’ve been to Redding I have to make this happen. I have to trust God because I can’t get there without Him. We still do not have the money for tuition. Paul doesn’t have a job in Redding that will provide a house that is not in the projects. From here, looking out, I feel hopeless. I feel afraid. But I am choosing to respond in faith. By thanking God that He has a safe, affordable house for us. Thanking my Father that He already has a job for Paul. He has gone before us. He has made a way. *Deep Breath* That is so refreshing to my soul.
So yes, Mt. Shasta is somewhere out there waiting on me to return to it. I just cannot wait to see that icy peak peering through the clouds, then I’ll know I am home again. For now I’m in the school of faith, failing even, but relishing in the fact that God loves me just the same. I’m getting a little better every day.
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