My darling Sonora just reached up into my squash plant, pulled off a small bloom and began munching on it! All with a mischievous grin plastered on her face. When I laughed at her expression she turned to the plant and attempted to reattach her half eaten squash. It was very cute. I’m not sure how grateful I am to have a daughter who eats only vegetables, and seems to despise meat and beans altogether. Especially since she nurses so often and I wonder about her iron intake. She seems happy, healthy, and aside from getting those back molars in, she’s a joy to have. I am watching her pull a thorn out of her finger that she got while ripping my leaves off my squash plant, apparently God made them this way to deter children as well as animals! Sonora keeps me busy, hating baths, loving popsicles, resenting any time she might have to play alone, and loving just sitting on Momma’s hip, while Momma stands, sitting just will not do! She is walking pretty regularly and climbing up our front stairs as we speak. When she reaches the top, I predict she’ll fall onto our sleeping dog and squeeze his ears, “Hi daaah,” she’ll say. What a look of accomplishment! I love that face!
Jake has been semi-difficult to parent lately, compared to his usual pleasant self. He’s been saying “No,” a lot. I’ve had to dig out my “creative correction” book to help. My exaggerated whine pleading, “Jake, please listen to me…” just isn’t getting the job done! He is talking more than ever, and we just love hearing his little voice. I think he’s happy to hear his voice as well, at least be able to express himself. I recently heard tell of statistics for families in ministry, how many turn out with wayward children. It’s humbling, and incredibly discouraging. Especially knowing that my influence will either help or hinder their decision.
The truth is, I have been struggling with a discontentment of being at home. I take my eye off the prize for one second and the world lashes out for my throat and pulls me under. Dramatic, yes, but incredibly realistic if you ask me! I have been feeling like a user, but not in the drug sense. More or less, I use people. I call them up, “Can I borrow this?,” “Can you help me with this?,” “ Can you watch my kids?,” “Can I ask you a question?,” Gosh, can I do anything myself? I told the Lord in a moment of self-contempt, “God, I don’t want to be a user, I want to be a giver!,” and he reminded me what I was doing that very second: sitting at home with my kids. Sometimes staying at home does so little for me, but I think about the gift I’m giving my children, an ever present Mommy who is sometimes kind of ornery, but sometimes we dance around the house and tell Jesus at the top of our lungs what a wonderful friend He is, and we read scripture together and if only 1/3 of my time spent at home is ministering to them, it’s better than nothing, right? Well, anyway, I feel like that is what the Lord reminded me. Sometimes I feel like I give so much to my kids there is very little leftover for anyone else but I’m determined to learn how to mix the two, ministry with motherhood, a healthy mix, of course. Too many families have fallen prey to the call of ministry and have forgotten that their first ministry is at home. How prudent I must sound saying this but I’ve seen it too often. It’s so alluring to go fix other people’s problems, it just seems to takes focus off of our own. For me anyway.
But for now, one day at a time. I love those kiddos. No matter how clingy the baby, how snooty the toddler, how rotten the overweight yellow lab (do diets just not work on dogs?), or how football season looms over my life like a not so distant storm that will sweep my husband away for a time (just kidding, Paul), I love all of those guys so much. And I’m looking forward to the reinstating of my mother’s groups, and yes, fantasy football.
