I am becoming more and more disenfranchised with this word called “tolerance.” It seems as if the more I learn, the more I cannot stand the sound of it. Now, this is me we are talking about, perhaps the most sensitive young woman to have ever lived. A story will probably illustrate this well enough:
At The Refuge once there was an offering taken up to go towards a Christian organization whose pursuit was to build an orphanage in a Muslim nation and lead the children to Jesus. I was appalled at this: how dare we share the gospel with children whose parents mean for them to grow in Islam. Was I nuts? No, just incredibly foolish. I once lead someone to Christianity with this very statement, “Christianity is a very tolerant religion, it is just those crazy conservatives that make it not so.” If someone would have given me a crystal ball I would have fallen dead, luckily I don’t believe in those voodoo things. Or luck for that matter.
I was stirred to write because I have been learning. For the first time in my life I have a subtle understanding of what I believe and I’m sorry to say to my liberal friends, I cannot be a liberal. How can I? This weekend was my first session of training with the pregnancy center to help young girls make a decision against abortion if at all possible. As I read the statistics and pamphlets I understand that abortion not only kills a baby, but too, a woman’s soul. Well, of course it does, I was just too busy jumping on band wagons before to really understand. But the word tolerance no doubt paved the way for the legalization of abortion to occur. The anatomy of an abortion is this: it is the least of three evils. When a unplanned pregnancy occurs a woman has three options: 1) Abort, 2) Parent, 3) Adoption. To abort is the death of a baby. To parent or give up adoption is “death of self,” and life as they know it. So abortion is chosen, the least of three evils, so it seems. Statistically if family and/or boyfriend were removed, the woman would almost always choose to have the baby. That seems something like intolerance to me.
There was a time when I said out loud, “the Christian God and Allah are the same,” but that is so far from the truth that almost 8 years later I want to wash my mouth out with soap! It is so ironic to me now that I would lay my own life down to see Islam disappear from the face of the earth. I know it sounds terrible, terribly intolerant. If that’s so, it’s probably ironic that it is the intolerance of this religion of hate that I so desire to see justice overtake. This is actually the root of my rant. I just watched Glenn Beck. In the wake of the Japan earthquake, a certain story is not making headlines, although it should. Muslim terrorists killed an Israeli family. Snuck into the family’s house, and murdered the parents and the children. When it made headlines in Palestine, a celebration took place and candy was handed out on the streets in celebration of a 6 year old, 3 year old, and 3 month infant being murdered. That seems like intolerance to me, and for the banner of tolerance we turn our heads. Paul was explaining to me the situation in Israel, why I should care. For one, it is the homeland of the Jews, given to them following years under the Nazi regime. Speaking of the Nazi regime, that was a time in history that was headed up by intolerance as well. Anyway, I really just wanted to mention that because the Nazi regime years earlier started this all.
I guess my point is that lots of pointing gets done towards the right: “you intolerant party.” This is why knowledge is power. I just learned in my training and Paul confirmed it several times through some of his history books. Birth control and Planned Parenthood were started by Margaret Sanger, who developed it alongside the Nazis in an attempt to rid the world of “the blacks,” as well as what she considered “moronic people.” She got her wish because statistically, African-Americans receive more abortions a year than any other race. That is intolerance!
It’s really sad that I do not want women to have rights to their own body so that in the face of intolerance, she will kill her unborn baby. It’s really sad that I don’t want same sex marriage legalized because I believe that there is life-changing, mind-transforming power in the blood of the lamb. I guess that makes me a heartless bigot although I can absolutely swear to you that my heart is that everyone know absolute joy and God’s grace. In the face of terrorism, abortion, socialism, and a society so obsessed with money that they barely notice any other indiscretion, I am the intolerant one.
I hate apologizing for myself, but I feel like doing it again because I do not want to hurt people. I love people. But, I believe that the word tolerance is ruining our country. It is taking down our faith slowly, and thanks to Margaret Sanger’s efforts and thousands of Christians sucking down birth control, she is going to succeed. If nothing changes in 100 years we are going to be lost, broken, empty people wandering and wondering where we went wrong, and I know it will begin with that word tolerance that we bought without even asking the cost.
I recognize also that we are all capable of unspeakable evil. I just cannot seem to get the Israeli family out of my head, it is heartbreaking. I also realize that we are an intolerant relgion: "Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life." But to be tolerant in all seasons, in all ways is not love. It is not acceptance. In every way possible I can think of it is cheating people of true joy.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Radical Christian
……so I am. I’m a little embarrassed at the truth, but there it is none the less. I hope Mylon Lefevre will not mind me quoting him: “If you believe that God was given birth to by a virgin, became a man, walked the earth, was killed and raised from the dead three days later, you’re a radical, get over it!” So I’ve been a radical most of my life. Now so more than ever. I just spent the last ten minutes using a steak knife to scrape demonic images off of the side of some new hot wheels that Jake got. I’m not even sure I remember who I used to be, but I‘m not going back!
Today at our mother’s group, Alva spoke. I was so blessed by her message. Sometimes I get angry when I’m reading parenting books, watching Supernanny, or even being shepherded by other mothers. I hear a lot of fillers: “Let’s talk about rules for play dates….let’s talk about what happens if you have to discipline someone else’s child…let’s talk about how you should fold your laundry,” or whatever else. Will someone please just tell me how to grow Godly children? Thank God for Alva. When my husband asked me what our group was on I sighed, “Oh Lord, honey, you don’t want to know.” But it was good. “She wanted to make sure we were all baptized with the Holy Spirit, so she prayed of us to receive.” It was scary. “Then she lovingly forced us to speak in tongues out loud.” After all, it is the outward sign of receiving the Holy Spirit. “It needed to be done, I’m glad she did it.” But I’m a weirdo now, in a good way. I feel bad even saying that, because it isn’t weird. You hear that, world? IT ISN’T WEIRD! Still the stabbing silence of the room as Alva shouted, “Come on, someone start speaking out loud, encourage one another,” proved otherwise. If she was looking for the small coffee shop to resemble Pentecost we were far from it. But in faint whispers, chopped syllables arose.
Here is my back story:
I went to First Assembly 10 years ago now (man, I’m getting old!) and this lady started singing in tongues, at the top of her lungs and it echoed throughout the chapel. I was thinking, this is weird, this isn’t ok, this is weird, I’m uncomfortable, this is weird. You get the picture. Then someone came to the microphone and said, “She says that this language makes people uncomfortable but God understands and it is a powerful statement of faith.” That kind of freaked me out. I wasn’t moved by it, or changed, I was scared.
Once I went to a gathering at The Refuge, it wasn’t a youth group or church, it was some missionary speaking. He told the story about Elijah calling down fire on the altar and announced that we were calling down fire onto our room, and told us that we needed to be speaking in tongues and he would come over us as we had our heads bowed and shout, ‘FIRE!” I was terrified. In fact, I left early in a frenzy, desperate to get to the car, to get away. I sat in my car and sobbed uncontrollably, and sped out of the parking lot leaving tracks. I called anyone I could think of, my old youth pastor, anyone who had read the Bible in their life. Will somebody please tell me that these people are crazy? No one picked up their phone. I didn’t get to vent. A guy I was “interested” in had invited me, and I was totally freaked out by his zeal. I left that group afraid of even attending The Refuge again.
So fast forward about three years, the Lakeland, Florida revival was on TV. I totally ate it up! I had never seen a revival, never really seen or felt the Holy Spirit move. I mean, I had felt “tingly” during worship, and I had seen Jake healed, but I was still eat up with fear, resentment, hate, rejection, accusation, not to mention I had Celiac Disease and my body was wasting away. When I saw people walk across the stage and testify to these great healings, I was blown away. I stayed up until midnight some nights watching God TV. One night, I was up watching it (probably the fifth night in a row). Todd announced that a spirit had been released against the revival and it would die away if we didn’t pray. He said, “if you aren’t baptized in the Holy Spirit, you better get that way because we’re going to start praying for this move of God not to die out.” Maybe it’s strange, but I loved the revival. So when he said this, I just did it, “God, I need your Holy Spirit. Please.” It wasn’t like a big moment for me, but I was excited. I ran and got my journal and started writing a prayer. Jake was three months old and I desperately wanted a husband. I wrote in the journal, “Please bring me a husband.” I prayed for the Revival and for Todd and those that were being healed. Todd said, “…you need to speak in tongues as you are praying.” It felt like he was speaking to me! I was totally freaked out, scared out of my mind. I whined, …but I hate tongues, but I didn’t want to lose what I was seeing on the screen. So I started. It didn’t sound natural to me, but I forced it. Whatever I saw in my mind, I would say. I felt God moving so I knew it was right, but it was strange. I felt like maybe God was dancing over me, like He was proud. …but this is weird. I have this journal and dated at the top is May 26th. I met Paul May 27rd. I’m not kidding! I was totally sold to tongues, although I barely ever did it again. Furthermore, if you aren’t from Concord you probably don’t know that Todd cancelled all of his meetings around the country so he could stay in Lakeland. He was there for 30 days, or more. He was a busy guy and felt he was needed in Lakeland only, but God told him to keep his dates in Concord. So this revival that changed my life, inspired my relationship with the Holy Spirit came to Concord, three minutes from my house. I got to go to the actual revival, I had no idea he was coming to Concord when I started watching God TV. Such a kiss from God.
I wanted to share that because there are so many odd thoughts associated with speaking in tongues. I can remember someone asking one of my professors at Pfeiffer what it meant, and she was scolded, “tongues is not important, and is merely a gift that some people [disgusting worm type people] have.” The enemy is so clever. Anyway, I have questioned whether or not I actually received the Spirit that night in the living room. I have asked for it again. I had Alva pray for me again today. I’m sure I’ve had it all along, but I wasn’t going to turn up a chance to have Alva pray for me. I do worry, “What if I don’t have the Spirit?” But the truth is, I couldn’t speak in tongues at all before I asked for the Spirit. Also, Alva reminded us that the Bible says if you ask for it, you will receive. Traditionally, it is with the laying on of hands, but God works in all manners. I received by myself. Anyway, I wanted to write about my experience because it is a scary thing. That’s the enemy, that’s the world- naturally we want to fit in. But if you want to learn more, if you want move into a more radical type faith and relationship with Jesus Christ himself, it’s not just an option, it is all there is. It’s a powerful tool for evangelism. Most of all, it’s a gift.
I also remind myself that Jesus was probably an odd ball (Jesus, you understand, right?). People thought he was weird. I don’t know about you, but my greatest aspiration in life is to be like Jesus and to look like Jesus. Unfortunately that probably isn’t going to look like me sitting in a church pew with cement shoes. *all church haters applaud* No, fellowship is necessary. But we’re going to look strange sometimes and we should embrace it, not run away. The truth is, when I see someone speaking in tongues now I often want to be like them, not despise them. Also, I’ve heard the argument that if we live a radical lifestyle we’ll scare away Non-Christians. In fact, I’ve said this before. Maybe I believe it a little bit. Sigh, Ok. If you are a light shining in darkness, I think you’re going to be noticed. It’s a beautiful thing though. My life goal is 1) be like Jesus, 2) be like the Duggars. They are sort of weird (maybe I should start using the word different?), but I love them. I see something in them that I badly want and they are the number one series on TLC right now. See, I am not alone. They have the “Holy Spirit glow.”
If you have questions about tongues, I hope you’ll view me as an advocate. I hope you’ll feel comfortable enough to ask me why I care about it, why I try to get better at it. If you want to receive the Holy Spirit, I’d love to assist. I will say that I don’t know what the heck I’m doing, but that may help. I prayed for a teenage girl the other day and I found myself saying, “God bless both of us with purity of heart, saturate us both with Your love.“ I don’t know everything, but I know enough and so do you now. So let’s be more effective for God, He’s worth it. Hey, so are you! This is quite controversial but I’m going to say it because it woke me up. Pastor Russ said it several weeks ago and it bears repeating. *deep breath* If you have been baptized by the Holy Spirit, you can speak in tongues. Not only that, but you should. Check out the Bible for guidelines on doing so in public and so on, but during private prayer sessions, go for it. I enjoyed what Pastor Russ said: “Do you have to speak in tongues? No. But why wouldn’t you!?” So there you go, for what it is worth. Let’s shake up America!
Today at our mother’s group, Alva spoke. I was so blessed by her message. Sometimes I get angry when I’m reading parenting books, watching Supernanny, or even being shepherded by other mothers. I hear a lot of fillers: “Let’s talk about rules for play dates….let’s talk about what happens if you have to discipline someone else’s child…let’s talk about how you should fold your laundry,” or whatever else. Will someone please just tell me how to grow Godly children? Thank God for Alva. When my husband asked me what our group was on I sighed, “Oh Lord, honey, you don’t want to know.” But it was good. “She wanted to make sure we were all baptized with the Holy Spirit, so she prayed of us to receive.” It was scary. “Then she lovingly forced us to speak in tongues out loud.” After all, it is the outward sign of receiving the Holy Spirit. “It needed to be done, I’m glad she did it.” But I’m a weirdo now, in a good way. I feel bad even saying that, because it isn’t weird. You hear that, world? IT ISN’T WEIRD! Still the stabbing silence of the room as Alva shouted, “Come on, someone start speaking out loud, encourage one another,” proved otherwise. If she was looking for the small coffee shop to resemble Pentecost we were far from it. But in faint whispers, chopped syllables arose.
Here is my back story:
I went to First Assembly 10 years ago now (man, I’m getting old!) and this lady started singing in tongues, at the top of her lungs and it echoed throughout the chapel. I was thinking, this is weird, this isn’t ok, this is weird, I’m uncomfortable, this is weird. You get the picture. Then someone came to the microphone and said, “She says that this language makes people uncomfortable but God understands and it is a powerful statement of faith.” That kind of freaked me out. I wasn’t moved by it, or changed, I was scared.
Once I went to a gathering at The Refuge, it wasn’t a youth group or church, it was some missionary speaking. He told the story about Elijah calling down fire on the altar and announced that we were calling down fire onto our room, and told us that we needed to be speaking in tongues and he would come over us as we had our heads bowed and shout, ‘FIRE!” I was terrified. In fact, I left early in a frenzy, desperate to get to the car, to get away. I sat in my car and sobbed uncontrollably, and sped out of the parking lot leaving tracks. I called anyone I could think of, my old youth pastor, anyone who had read the Bible in their life. Will somebody please tell me that these people are crazy? No one picked up their phone. I didn’t get to vent. A guy I was “interested” in had invited me, and I was totally freaked out by his zeal. I left that group afraid of even attending The Refuge again.
So fast forward about three years, the Lakeland, Florida revival was on TV. I totally ate it up! I had never seen a revival, never really seen or felt the Holy Spirit move. I mean, I had felt “tingly” during worship, and I had seen Jake healed, but I was still eat up with fear, resentment, hate, rejection, accusation, not to mention I had Celiac Disease and my body was wasting away. When I saw people walk across the stage and testify to these great healings, I was blown away. I stayed up until midnight some nights watching God TV. One night, I was up watching it (probably the fifth night in a row). Todd announced that a spirit had been released against the revival and it would die away if we didn’t pray. He said, “if you aren’t baptized in the Holy Spirit, you better get that way because we’re going to start praying for this move of God not to die out.” Maybe it’s strange, but I loved the revival. So when he said this, I just did it, “God, I need your Holy Spirit. Please.” It wasn’t like a big moment for me, but I was excited. I ran and got my journal and started writing a prayer. Jake was three months old and I desperately wanted a husband. I wrote in the journal, “Please bring me a husband.” I prayed for the Revival and for Todd and those that were being healed. Todd said, “…you need to speak in tongues as you are praying.” It felt like he was speaking to me! I was totally freaked out, scared out of my mind. I whined, …but I hate tongues, but I didn’t want to lose what I was seeing on the screen. So I started. It didn’t sound natural to me, but I forced it. Whatever I saw in my mind, I would say. I felt God moving so I knew it was right, but it was strange. I felt like maybe God was dancing over me, like He was proud. …but this is weird. I have this journal and dated at the top is May 26th. I met Paul May 27rd. I’m not kidding! I was totally sold to tongues, although I barely ever did it again. Furthermore, if you aren’t from Concord you probably don’t know that Todd cancelled all of his meetings around the country so he could stay in Lakeland. He was there for 30 days, or more. He was a busy guy and felt he was needed in Lakeland only, but God told him to keep his dates in Concord. So this revival that changed my life, inspired my relationship with the Holy Spirit came to Concord, three minutes from my house. I got to go to the actual revival, I had no idea he was coming to Concord when I started watching God TV. Such a kiss from God.
I wanted to share that because there are so many odd thoughts associated with speaking in tongues. I can remember someone asking one of my professors at Pfeiffer what it meant, and she was scolded, “tongues is not important, and is merely a gift that some people [disgusting worm type people] have.” The enemy is so clever. Anyway, I have questioned whether or not I actually received the Spirit that night in the living room. I have asked for it again. I had Alva pray for me again today. I’m sure I’ve had it all along, but I wasn’t going to turn up a chance to have Alva pray for me. I do worry, “What if I don’t have the Spirit?” But the truth is, I couldn’t speak in tongues at all before I asked for the Spirit. Also, Alva reminded us that the Bible says if you ask for it, you will receive. Traditionally, it is with the laying on of hands, but God works in all manners. I received by myself. Anyway, I wanted to write about my experience because it is a scary thing. That’s the enemy, that’s the world- naturally we want to fit in. But if you want to learn more, if you want move into a more radical type faith and relationship with Jesus Christ himself, it’s not just an option, it is all there is. It’s a powerful tool for evangelism. Most of all, it’s a gift.
I also remind myself that Jesus was probably an odd ball (Jesus, you understand, right?). People thought he was weird. I don’t know about you, but my greatest aspiration in life is to be like Jesus and to look like Jesus. Unfortunately that probably isn’t going to look like me sitting in a church pew with cement shoes. *all church haters applaud* No, fellowship is necessary. But we’re going to look strange sometimes and we should embrace it, not run away. The truth is, when I see someone speaking in tongues now I often want to be like them, not despise them. Also, I’ve heard the argument that if we live a radical lifestyle we’ll scare away Non-Christians. In fact, I’ve said this before. Maybe I believe it a little bit. Sigh, Ok. If you are a light shining in darkness, I think you’re going to be noticed. It’s a beautiful thing though. My life goal is 1) be like Jesus, 2) be like the Duggars. They are sort of weird (maybe I should start using the word different?), but I love them. I see something in them that I badly want and they are the number one series on TLC right now. See, I am not alone. They have the “Holy Spirit glow.”
If you have questions about tongues, I hope you’ll view me as an advocate. I hope you’ll feel comfortable enough to ask me why I care about it, why I try to get better at it. If you want to receive the Holy Spirit, I’d love to assist. I will say that I don’t know what the heck I’m doing, but that may help. I prayed for a teenage girl the other day and I found myself saying, “God bless both of us with purity of heart, saturate us both with Your love.“ I don’t know everything, but I know enough and so do you now. So let’s be more effective for God, He’s worth it. Hey, so are you! This is quite controversial but I’m going to say it because it woke me up. Pastor Russ said it several weeks ago and it bears repeating. *deep breath* If you have been baptized by the Holy Spirit, you can speak in tongues. Not only that, but you should. Check out the Bible for guidelines on doing so in public and so on, but during private prayer sessions, go for it. I enjoyed what Pastor Russ said: “Do you have to speak in tongues? No. But why wouldn’t you!?” So there you go, for what it is worth. Let’s shake up America!
Friday, March 4, 2011
The Life Dialogue.
World: “You want me, don’t you?”
Me: “Yes, embarrassingly so.”
Spirit: “Do you want me?”
Me: “Yes, You most of all.”
World: “That is a contradiction.”
Me: “Maybe so.”
World: “So, what’s holding you back?”
Spirit: “So, what’s holding you back?”
Me: “Everything.”
Spirit: “By that you mean, the world?”
World: “But all I do is give!”
Me: “No, you take.”
Spirit: “Nothing is holding you back, you belong to Me.”
Me: “I feel weighed down.”
Spirit: “My burden is light.”
World: “I feel good.”
Me: “For awhile, I would agree.”
World: “I taste good.”
Me: “For awhile, I would agree.”
World: “Then it’s settled, you stick with me.”
Me: “Beauty is fleeting.”
Spirit: “Not my beauty.”
Me: “I know.”
World: “I have power.”
Spirit: “So do I.”
World: “…to bring you up.”
Spirit: “…to build you up.”
Me: “I feel down.”
Spirit: “Then you know what you have chosen, do you not?”
Me: “Just for now.”
Spirit: “You can exchange it for truth.”
World: “You can spend more money. You can cut your hair again. You can cut someone down to build yourself up. I am the way.”
Spirit: “I am the Way.”
Me: “I feel foolish. To be perfectly honest, I feel like a stranger to myself.”
Spirit: “I warned you of that, did I not?”
World: “If you feel foolish, we could just concentrate on how you look?”
Me: “No, I feel ugly too.”
World: “Hmmm, maybe that’s why you have trouble getting close to people.”
Me: “Thanks.”
Spirit: “You can turn it off, you know?”
Me: “I’ll do anything.”
Spirit: “Keep your eyes on Me”
Me: “For how long?”
Spirit: “Forever.”
Me: “Will you keep it away?”
Spirit: “If you will.”
Me: “You know, this seems to be working. What about money?”
Spirit: “How much do you need?”
Me: “Ok, I know you have everything. What about when I feel just plain?”
Spirit: “Then we can work on your character.”
Me: “That means trials, doesn’t it?”
Spirit: “Is that so different than what you were fighting before?”
Me: “Not really.”
Spirit: “Then it’s settled. We’re in this together.”
*Life goes on*
Me: “She is so pretty…he is so rich…that family is perfect….he is a great husband….she is so creative…”
World: “You are pathetic.”
Spirit: “You are priceless.”
World: “You are poor.”
Spirit: “You are blessed.”
World: “You are alone.”
Spirit: “You are alone, in the palm of my hand, just the two of us. Now, what do you say?”
Me: “Make it go away.”
Spirit: “Yes, let’s."
Me: “Yes, embarrassingly so.”
Spirit: “Do you want me?”
Me: “Yes, You most of all.”
World: “That is a contradiction.”
Me: “Maybe so.”
World: “So, what’s holding you back?”
Spirit: “So, what’s holding you back?”
Me: “Everything.”
Spirit: “By that you mean, the world?”
World: “But all I do is give!”
Me: “No, you take.”
Spirit: “Nothing is holding you back, you belong to Me.”
Me: “I feel weighed down.”
Spirit: “My burden is light.”
World: “I feel good.”
Me: “For awhile, I would agree.”
World: “I taste good.”
Me: “For awhile, I would agree.”
World: “Then it’s settled, you stick with me.”
Me: “Beauty is fleeting.”
Spirit: “Not my beauty.”
Me: “I know.”
World: “I have power.”
Spirit: “So do I.”
World: “…to bring you up.”
Spirit: “…to build you up.”
Me: “I feel down.”
Spirit: “Then you know what you have chosen, do you not?”
Me: “Just for now.”
Spirit: “You can exchange it for truth.”
World: “You can spend more money. You can cut your hair again. You can cut someone down to build yourself up. I am the way.”
Spirit: “I am the Way.”
Me: “I feel foolish. To be perfectly honest, I feel like a stranger to myself.”
Spirit: “I warned you of that, did I not?”
World: “If you feel foolish, we could just concentrate on how you look?”
Me: “No, I feel ugly too.”
World: “Hmmm, maybe that’s why you have trouble getting close to people.”
Me: “Thanks.”
Spirit: “You can turn it off, you know?”
Me: “I’ll do anything.”
Spirit: “Keep your eyes on Me”
Me: “For how long?”
Spirit: “Forever.”
Me: “Will you keep it away?”
Spirit: “If you will.”
Me: “You know, this seems to be working. What about money?”
Spirit: “How much do you need?”
Me: “Ok, I know you have everything. What about when I feel just plain?”
Spirit: “Then we can work on your character.”
Me: “That means trials, doesn’t it?”
Spirit: “Is that so different than what you were fighting before?”
Me: “Not really.”
Spirit: “Then it’s settled. We’re in this together.”
*Life goes on*
Me: “She is so pretty…he is so rich…that family is perfect….he is a great husband….she is so creative…”
World: “You are pathetic.”
Spirit: “You are priceless.”
World: “You are poor.”
Spirit: “You are blessed.”
World: “You are alone.”
Spirit: “You are alone, in the palm of my hand, just the two of us. Now, what do you say?”
Me: “Make it go away.”
Spirit: “Yes, let’s."
My breakthrough moment....and Jake's too
I feel like I had a breakthrough moment as a parent today. I hope no one minds if I share. Here is the background. I bought a picture frame at Ross recently, it was exactly what I was looking for. They only had one left. It holds 15 pictures and it matches the other frames in our living room. It sat in my trunk for a week because I hadn’t quite gotten the pictures developed that I wanted to put in it, and thanks to snow, I was put off even more. Today I am snowed in (or rather, iced in due to road conditions that would make my sweet Volvo cry). I decided that although I didn’t have the exact pictures I wanted, I had been working really hard on reorganizing the house and I wanted to fill up that empty spot on the wall. I dug up 15 pictures, put a movie on for Jake, handed the tape dispenser to Sonora Grace to chew on, and then I began taping on pictures. Jake sees me tape a picture of Aunt Wendy on the paper frame (that goes behind the glass), and he freaks out. “I see it, I hold this one.” So I let him have it. As he comes to get it, he puts his foot on the frame and giggles and I tell him not to step on it, that it might break. He giggles and puts his foot on it again. So I stay more sternly, “no sir, I will spank you if you do that again.” So he heads back to the couch, and folds up the picture of Wendy, and holds it close and is perfectly content until he sees a picture of Fifi, and he wants that one too. So he comes back down, purposely steps onto the edge of the frame, and smiles at me. I tell him no and he backs up, trades his picture of Wendy for the picture of Fifi and heads back to the couch. I’m busy taping pictures on, and keeping Sonora away, and Jake is crinkling the picture and folding it and I tell him to stop because it’s one of my favorite pictures of myself standing with my Mom and sister, and so I ask him for it, and ask him to help me tape it on. He jumps down from the couch, and I’m not even sure if it was on purpose but his second step went right onto my the center of the frame and you guessed it, smashed it into a million pieces.
The sample paper was over the glass, and on top of that was the cardboard frame I was working with, so he wasn’t hurt at all. But I was not a happy camper. The bad part of the story is that I very briefly explained that I asked him to be careful and he wasn’t, so I spanked him. I’ve been trying to spend more time before spankings explaining the essence of disobedience to him. So I told him that he “broke Mommy’s picture,” and “now Mommy has to throw away all of the glass,” and “Mommy was really excited about her new picture.” I picked him up and put him in a chair so he could watch me clean it up. He was crying softly but starting to calm. I was carefully moving the glass into the bag when a small piece moved fast and went into my finger. “Ouch!” I shouted, and Jake sobbed harder. “I so sorry Mommy,” he choked out. “It’s ok, I forgive you,” I said as I kept cleaning up the glass. “Mommy got big ouchie on her finger?” I was starting to feel bad that he was crying so hard, I didn’t want him to feel guilt to the extent that my finger was now bleeding! So I crawled over to him and gave him a hug. ‘It’s ok, Mommy is fine. I forgive you,” he settled into sniffles and I threw away the bag of glass and went to get the vacuum cleaner.
I’ve been reading a lot of parenting books lately, thinking, How can I apply this? How can I teach Jake the gospel through discipline? It’s been on my mind constantly, and as I started up the vacuum it all clicked together in my mind. Before I plugged the vacuum in I went over to Jake and knelt in front of him.
“Do you know what sin is?” He shook his head no.
“Well Jesus has some rules that he likes us to follow. One of them is listening to mommy and daddy.” Jake‘s bottom lip pokes way out and the tears start falling. He loves Jesus very much and I knew that he didn’t want to disappoint Him so I quickly went on because that is not the point.
“Listen, Jesus died on the cross so you don’t have to feel guilty for what you did. I know you’re sorry and I forgive you, and so does Jesus.” Blank stare accompanied by a pouty lip, “that means Mommy isn’t mad at you anymore. Listen, Mommy is going to vacuum all of that glass up and that’s what Jesus does. When we make mistakes, we ask Him to help us and to forgive us and He cleans it all up.” Jake begins sobbing inconsolably. He opens his arms for me to hold him, and I do. I recognized the cry, although I didn’t experience mine until I was 20, when I realized I was fallen and there was nothing I could actually do about it. But I knew Jesus loved me. “Watch Mommy vacuum the glass up, it’ll all be over after that.” After our cuddle, I vacuumed and he watched. He was much calmer. I let him help me tape pictures on, and salvaged the frame, although it doesn’t have glass and it may look kind of different from my other pictures. It’s really a small price to pay for what Jake learned today. I thought about all of the Supernanny’s I’ve watched, Mom’s holding Jo and crying, “I really want to do a good job at this but I’m so unhappy.” When I was talking to Jake, I have to admit that seeing him realize his fallen nature and sobbing was not easy, I love my son. However, it was fun to tell him the truth. It was fun to bring him into repentance, and offer up my forgiveness. I understood “mommy ministry” for the first time.
I've heard of a certain class of believer that negates there being any negative consequence to sin. It baffles me, but maybe that is because I’m a sinner who has seen plenty of consequences to my terrible decisions. Jesus has restored me. Yet there is still evidence of mistakes. Jake walked around for an hour after the incident, “I brote it Mommy,” “Mommy got ouchie on her finger from picture broden,” “I brote it,” and I reassured him that it was completely ok now, no more worries. The frame is still busted. Jesus can’t restore the glass (well I guess he could if he wanted!), but he’s not going to in this case. We broke it. But he’ll help us clean up the mess we made, and he’ll make good out of it, like how Jake and I worked together afterwards. Like how I will be much more careful in the future about where I work with glass (the middle of the living room floor is probably not smart!). I’m hardly concerned about whether or not there is negative consequence to sin, I’m just grateful that we don’t have to feel guilt about our sin and that we get a new start. I think that is the point of Jesus, that we’re “pure as cotton and white as snow” after we seek forgiveness, and we don’t have to earn his redemption or feel guilty that we fall short of it. It’s there, it’s free, and it’s freedom. I realized Jake wasn’t going to let go of the guilt without some prayer, so before naptime we held hands and prayed that both of us would do better about accepting God’s forgiveness and love.
I hope I’m not acting outside humility here. That is certainly not my intention. Quite frankly I am ecstatic because I’ve been praying for wisdom and the Lord totally gave me the words to say, so know that I do not boast of my own doing. It’s all God, and I am so grateful that I don’t have to do this alone. No one does. Thank you Jesus for redemption.
….And if you come to my house and see my glass-less picture frame that takes up ½ of my living room wall you will not judge me because you know the story behind it!
The sample paper was over the glass, and on top of that was the cardboard frame I was working with, so he wasn’t hurt at all. But I was not a happy camper. The bad part of the story is that I very briefly explained that I asked him to be careful and he wasn’t, so I spanked him. I’ve been trying to spend more time before spankings explaining the essence of disobedience to him. So I told him that he “broke Mommy’s picture,” and “now Mommy has to throw away all of the glass,” and “Mommy was really excited about her new picture.” I picked him up and put him in a chair so he could watch me clean it up. He was crying softly but starting to calm. I was carefully moving the glass into the bag when a small piece moved fast and went into my finger. “Ouch!” I shouted, and Jake sobbed harder. “I so sorry Mommy,” he choked out. “It’s ok, I forgive you,” I said as I kept cleaning up the glass. “Mommy got big ouchie on her finger?” I was starting to feel bad that he was crying so hard, I didn’t want him to feel guilt to the extent that my finger was now bleeding! So I crawled over to him and gave him a hug. ‘It’s ok, Mommy is fine. I forgive you,” he settled into sniffles and I threw away the bag of glass and went to get the vacuum cleaner.
I’ve been reading a lot of parenting books lately, thinking, How can I apply this? How can I teach Jake the gospel through discipline? It’s been on my mind constantly, and as I started up the vacuum it all clicked together in my mind. Before I plugged the vacuum in I went over to Jake and knelt in front of him.
“Do you know what sin is?” He shook his head no.
“Well Jesus has some rules that he likes us to follow. One of them is listening to mommy and daddy.” Jake‘s bottom lip pokes way out and the tears start falling. He loves Jesus very much and I knew that he didn’t want to disappoint Him so I quickly went on because that is not the point.
“Listen, Jesus died on the cross so you don’t have to feel guilty for what you did. I know you’re sorry and I forgive you, and so does Jesus.” Blank stare accompanied by a pouty lip, “that means Mommy isn’t mad at you anymore. Listen, Mommy is going to vacuum all of that glass up and that’s what Jesus does. When we make mistakes, we ask Him to help us and to forgive us and He cleans it all up.” Jake begins sobbing inconsolably. He opens his arms for me to hold him, and I do. I recognized the cry, although I didn’t experience mine until I was 20, when I realized I was fallen and there was nothing I could actually do about it. But I knew Jesus loved me. “Watch Mommy vacuum the glass up, it’ll all be over after that.” After our cuddle, I vacuumed and he watched. He was much calmer. I let him help me tape pictures on, and salvaged the frame, although it doesn’t have glass and it may look kind of different from my other pictures. It’s really a small price to pay for what Jake learned today. I thought about all of the Supernanny’s I’ve watched, Mom’s holding Jo and crying, “I really want to do a good job at this but I’m so unhappy.” When I was talking to Jake, I have to admit that seeing him realize his fallen nature and sobbing was not easy, I love my son. However, it was fun to tell him the truth. It was fun to bring him into repentance, and offer up my forgiveness. I understood “mommy ministry” for the first time.
I've heard of a certain class of believer that negates there being any negative consequence to sin. It baffles me, but maybe that is because I’m a sinner who has seen plenty of consequences to my terrible decisions. Jesus has restored me. Yet there is still evidence of mistakes. Jake walked around for an hour after the incident, “I brote it Mommy,” “Mommy got ouchie on her finger from picture broden,” “I brote it,” and I reassured him that it was completely ok now, no more worries. The frame is still busted. Jesus can’t restore the glass (well I guess he could if he wanted!), but he’s not going to in this case. We broke it. But he’ll help us clean up the mess we made, and he’ll make good out of it, like how Jake and I worked together afterwards. Like how I will be much more careful in the future about where I work with glass (the middle of the living room floor is probably not smart!). I’m hardly concerned about whether or not there is negative consequence to sin, I’m just grateful that we don’t have to feel guilt about our sin and that we get a new start. I think that is the point of Jesus, that we’re “pure as cotton and white as snow” after we seek forgiveness, and we don’t have to earn his redemption or feel guilty that we fall short of it. It’s there, it’s free, and it’s freedom. I realized Jake wasn’t going to let go of the guilt without some prayer, so before naptime we held hands and prayed that both of us would do better about accepting God’s forgiveness and love.
I hope I’m not acting outside humility here. That is certainly not my intention. Quite frankly I am ecstatic because I’ve been praying for wisdom and the Lord totally gave me the words to say, so know that I do not boast of my own doing. It’s all God, and I am so grateful that I don’t have to do this alone. No one does. Thank you Jesus for redemption.
….And if you come to my house and see my glass-less picture frame that takes up ½ of my living room wall you will not judge me because you know the story behind it!
Parenting with Proverbs
Oh, sweet time to myself. You have no idea how wonderful this feels. Everything is still now, except for the dryer, but the combination of clanging and humming is soothing (must be a stay-at-home mom thing?). Life is going well, but I must say that since Paul and I treated ourselves to a new laptop charger for Valentines day (although dear husband bought me 500 days of Summer on the side J ) I am very excited to be writing again. I promised myself that this particular blog would sans any faith talk, but alas, without it there is very little to write.
I love when I am going through a particular season where God is trying to teach me one thing. A couple of months ago it went like this: I started watching “The Duggars,” became friends with a couple that both husband and wife were from large families and were total advocates, received A Full Quiver for Christmas and read it in a day (also received the Duggar’s book), read Psalm 127 only 150 times because it was the theme scripture for both of my Christmas books. I asked the Lord to give me a verse for the new year on December 31st, at 11:58 pm. I apologized to the Lord for being so simple but I was tired and I wanted something to speak over my year. What would He be teaching me? I opened the Bible, let my finger fall, smack! Psalm 127. Yes, Lord! I know you want me to know this verse! That was a special season for me.
With that being said, I’ve been moving into a new one: Proverbs. You know, on a busy day when the Bible didn’t make it into my morning, or afternoon, or night, I would pull the big Book out and flip to Proverbs. It was my “convenient” book of the Bible. It was easy to understand, and always convicted me of something. How wrong I was to treat it as like this sort of back up book, Well, I’m feeling lazy so Proverbs it is! I think Proverbs has a name for that type of person, FOOL! I do not want to be foolish. In fact, I have been craving Godly wisdom more now than any other time in my life. I have this hunger for it. I fasted for it a couple of weeks ago. Every time our church offers prayer I want an impartation of it. Luckily, in James it says that if we desire wisdom we can just ask for it and God will give it. With a side note: we can’t doubt that we’ve received it or we’re double minded. Ugh, how many times do I doubt myself a day while I’m trying to parent with Godly wisdom, or be a Godly wife? Maybe a million! This is hard lesson to learn.
Anyway, I want wisdom for parenting. I want to be who God made me to be, and I’m pretty sure He did not intend me to be quick-tempered, condemnatory, stressed, and constantly worried. I guess you can understand why I hunger for wisdom. Sadly I am all of the above mentioned. I have recently read through about 5 parenting books, and here is what I am learning: discipline consistently, praise continually, pray unceasingly, and make yourself available. Try doing all of that without a little grace! It’s impossible, but I am learning that I was never meant to do this alone. I was never meant to do this without spending time in the word daily. I was never meant to do this without the pursuit of wisdom. With that being said, I have been trying to do these things. When Jake messes up instead of screaming or swatting at him, I get down to his level and whisper. If he disobeys again, I punish him. For every time I punish him I mark it down a calendar as a “-” sign. For each “-” there better be 10 “+” which stands for something encouraging that I said, “Jake, you are such a wonderful big brother,” “ Jake, you are so good at playing by yourself, Mommy is so proud of you,” “Jake, you are such a big helper to Mommy, I love when you help me put books away,” “You found your pink truck without my help, that is great attentiveness, that’s even a Character quality of Christ.” Never mind that he has no idea what I’m talking about sometimes, but getting into the habit of these things now will pay off in the long run. When he talks, I listen. I really listen. No more, “uh huh, yeaaaah, That’s cool buddy,” all the while I have no idea what he is telling me about. I have also been trying to take time to pray, this is what I do least of yet it is the most profound thing I can do in my quest to be a Godly, wise parent.
I subscribed to “Above Rubies” this last month, and on one of the most stressful parenting days I’d had in a long time, it finally came. Thank you, Lord! If you are a Mom, you need to go to www.aboverubies.org and subscribe, it’s free! Anyway, I want to share what Nancy Campbell (the founder) wrote in the introduction article. It was like water to thirsty ground for my soul. I needed it.
“ …I talked about how adversaries came to stop Ezra and Nehemiah from building the temple and the walls of Jerusalem. I noticed that they tried ten different ways to stop them. It is interesting that the devil uses the same tactics on mothers today in order to stop them in their great building program of building godly families which builds a godly nation. One of the greatest threats to Satan’s plans is God-fearing parents who raise godly children. The more godly arrows they sharpen and polish for God’s purposes, the more Satan’s plans will be frustrated in the earth. Godly mothers, embracing and raising children for God’s glory, are dangerous to the enemy. Nehemiah had a good response to his adversaries. When they tried to distract him to come down from his work he did not get pulled into their plans, but stated, I AM DOING A GREAT WORK. I CANNOT COME DOWN!….Whenever you are tempted to feel sorry for yourself or discouraged because of negative comments of people around you, don’t give in to these lies. Instead, confess out loud, I AM DOING A GREAT WORK. I CANNOT COME DOWN! Never forget the power and importance of your high calling.”
Thank you Nancy. I know I can do this. I wrote these words across the top of my discipline chart.
I thought about putting an insightful proverbs following this blog, but I can’t choose one, they are all so profound. I cannot parent without the Lord’s help, and I’m grateful that I’m learning this while my children are young, and humbled by the task that lies ahead. I am not perfect, how many times can I say this. I am barely adequate. But, “Commit your plans to the Lord, and you will succeed.” There, I picked one!
I love when I am going through a particular season where God is trying to teach me one thing. A couple of months ago it went like this: I started watching “The Duggars,” became friends with a couple that both husband and wife were from large families and were total advocates, received A Full Quiver for Christmas and read it in a day (also received the Duggar’s book), read Psalm 127 only 150 times because it was the theme scripture for both of my Christmas books. I asked the Lord to give me a verse for the new year on December 31st, at 11:58 pm. I apologized to the Lord for being so simple but I was tired and I wanted something to speak over my year. What would He be teaching me? I opened the Bible, let my finger fall, smack! Psalm 127. Yes, Lord! I know you want me to know this verse! That was a special season for me.
With that being said, I’ve been moving into a new one: Proverbs. You know, on a busy day when the Bible didn’t make it into my morning, or afternoon, or night, I would pull the big Book out and flip to Proverbs. It was my “convenient” book of the Bible. It was easy to understand, and always convicted me of something. How wrong I was to treat it as like this sort of back up book, Well, I’m feeling lazy so Proverbs it is! I think Proverbs has a name for that type of person, FOOL! I do not want to be foolish. In fact, I have been craving Godly wisdom more now than any other time in my life. I have this hunger for it. I fasted for it a couple of weeks ago. Every time our church offers prayer I want an impartation of it. Luckily, in James it says that if we desire wisdom we can just ask for it and God will give it. With a side note: we can’t doubt that we’ve received it or we’re double minded. Ugh, how many times do I doubt myself a day while I’m trying to parent with Godly wisdom, or be a Godly wife? Maybe a million! This is hard lesson to learn.
Anyway, I want wisdom for parenting. I want to be who God made me to be, and I’m pretty sure He did not intend me to be quick-tempered, condemnatory, stressed, and constantly worried. I guess you can understand why I hunger for wisdom. Sadly I am all of the above mentioned. I have recently read through about 5 parenting books, and here is what I am learning: discipline consistently, praise continually, pray unceasingly, and make yourself available. Try doing all of that without a little grace! It’s impossible, but I am learning that I was never meant to do this alone. I was never meant to do this without spending time in the word daily. I was never meant to do this without the pursuit of wisdom. With that being said, I have been trying to do these things. When Jake messes up instead of screaming or swatting at him, I get down to his level and whisper. If he disobeys again, I punish him. For every time I punish him I mark it down a calendar as a “-” sign. For each “-” there better be 10 “+” which stands for something encouraging that I said, “Jake, you are such a wonderful big brother,” “ Jake, you are so good at playing by yourself, Mommy is so proud of you,” “Jake, you are such a big helper to Mommy, I love when you help me put books away,” “You found your pink truck without my help, that is great attentiveness, that’s even a Character quality of Christ.” Never mind that he has no idea what I’m talking about sometimes, but getting into the habit of these things now will pay off in the long run. When he talks, I listen. I really listen. No more, “uh huh, yeaaaah, That’s cool buddy,” all the while I have no idea what he is telling me about. I have also been trying to take time to pray, this is what I do least of yet it is the most profound thing I can do in my quest to be a Godly, wise parent.
I subscribed to “Above Rubies” this last month, and on one of the most stressful parenting days I’d had in a long time, it finally came. Thank you, Lord! If you are a Mom, you need to go to www.aboverubies.org and subscribe, it’s free! Anyway, I want to share what Nancy Campbell (the founder) wrote in the introduction article. It was like water to thirsty ground for my soul. I needed it.
“ …I talked about how adversaries came to stop Ezra and Nehemiah from building the temple and the walls of Jerusalem. I noticed that they tried ten different ways to stop them. It is interesting that the devil uses the same tactics on mothers today in order to stop them in their great building program of building godly families which builds a godly nation. One of the greatest threats to Satan’s plans is God-fearing parents who raise godly children. The more godly arrows they sharpen and polish for God’s purposes, the more Satan’s plans will be frustrated in the earth. Godly mothers, embracing and raising children for God’s glory, are dangerous to the enemy. Nehemiah had a good response to his adversaries. When they tried to distract him to come down from his work he did not get pulled into their plans, but stated, I AM DOING A GREAT WORK. I CANNOT COME DOWN!….Whenever you are tempted to feel sorry for yourself or discouraged because of negative comments of people around you, don’t give in to these lies. Instead, confess out loud, I AM DOING A GREAT WORK. I CANNOT COME DOWN! Never forget the power and importance of your high calling.”
Thank you Nancy. I know I can do this. I wrote these words across the top of my discipline chart.
I thought about putting an insightful proverbs following this blog, but I can’t choose one, they are all so profound. I cannot parent without the Lord’s help, and I’m grateful that I’m learning this while my children are young, and humbled by the task that lies ahead. I am not perfect, how many times can I say this. I am barely adequate. But, “Commit your plans to the Lord, and you will succeed.” There, I picked one!
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