Please remember, dear friend. It is only a window, and you are only here for a brief moment. If you enjoy my blog, I want to give you time to linger. Come to my door. Come in. This is my whole house, all of my stuff. So much stuff, you will probably have to kick a couple of blankets, rattles, and matchbox cars out of the way. I am an artist, a poet, a writer, and an experimental cook. I am all of those things, but if you only look through my window, you'll never see me as anything but a mom.
I have three four children. That's true. Four wonderful, joyful, very well-behaved children. I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be a mom and I remind myself of this often. I remind myself, you chose this, Mama. Sometimes it is 10:00 at night and I am still in my pajamas from the night before, reading facebook statuses of old friends who are going back to school, becoming doctors, lawyers, and supreme contributors to society. And I have snot on my shirt. And baby poop on my pants. And the bottom of my feet are black because I haven't mopped my floors in God knows when, and the shower is always out of hot water before it is my turn. That is a common theme in my attitude about being a mom. When is it my turn?
The truth is...
Do you want to know the truth?
It gets easier. It really does. Despite the fact that I still don't shower as much as I'd like, and commonly use the toilet as my only legitimate "me time," I am finally entering a phase in my life where I can look back and remember how difficult parenting was for me, and look at where I am at now and see the contrast. Oh boy, it does get easier. Or maybe we just get better at it as moms? That's what I really think.
The truth is...
Do you want to know the truth?
It gets easier. It really does. Despite the fact that I still don't shower as much as I'd like, and commonly use the toilet as my only legitimate "me time," I am finally entering a phase in my life where I can look back and remember how difficult parenting was for me, and look at where I am at now and see the contrast. Oh boy, it does get easier. Or maybe we just get better at it as moms? That's what I really think.
I came up with the idea of this blog when I was culturing sauerkraut on my counter. It takes days upon days to culture and gradually little bubbles appear all across the mason jar. I usually balance my chin on the counter in childlike glee, marveling at my creation. One day I thought about the nature of culturing, and how amazing it is that what you put into the environment will culture. If you put good bacteria in, they'll grow. The same happens with bad bacteria. It seriously made me think about grace, and how such a little bit of it goes a long way. A little bit of God's forgiveness changes us because we can't understand how on earth we earned it. That's the point, we didn't. A whisper of His love kept me devoted to faith for years. I really could not have imagined how wonderfully deep and satisfying His love was then. Partly because I wouldn't let it in, I wasn't sure how it would feel to let a big, all knowing God penetrate every part of me. It's no use though. Once it gets in us, we'll want more. And more, and more.
That's really my story. As a child of God, I've been letting His love sort of stew in my soul for quite some time, learning to open myself up to it and feel the tides multiply countless times as I let it. As a mom, I have learned to give myself grace. To just rest in a place of imperfection, a place where His strength is made perfect in my weakness. It sounds cliche, but it's the only method I have found that really works. To fail and know His mercy is new. To watch my kids fail and relay that same mercy.
It's really all going to be ok. Do you know that? Let Him brood over you with His love. Let His grace culture in your soul. It makes a deep well of discontent with your status-quo and satisfaction in where He is taking you all in one. The really amazing thing about culturing is once the good "stuff" builds up enough, the gunk doesn't stand a chance. It's a beautiful, all natural process we can invite into our lives.
So when you see a window into my life through this blog, please know that I am on a journey. A messy, wacky, exhausting, hair-pulling-out, too-tired-to-care-sometimes journey. My desire is to relay parenting wisdom, truth, and vulnerability as I go. A window to a moment or a maybe a day. If you look through the window and see me groomed, with a happy baby propped on my hip, flawlessly homeschooling my toddlers...come back in an hour.
The door is always open though. Write me, connect with me on facebook, and let's culture friendship!
Matthew 13:33
"33 Jesus also used this illustration: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like the yeast a woman used in making bread. Even though she put only a little yeast in three measures of flour, it permeated every part of the dough.”
That's really my story. As a child of God, I've been letting His love sort of stew in my soul for quite some time, learning to open myself up to it and feel the tides multiply countless times as I let it. As a mom, I have learned to give myself grace. To just rest in a place of imperfection, a place where His strength is made perfect in my weakness. It sounds cliche, but it's the only method I have found that really works. To fail and know His mercy is new. To watch my kids fail and relay that same mercy.
It's really all going to be ok. Do you know that? Let Him brood over you with His love. Let His grace culture in your soul. It makes a deep well of discontent with your status-quo and satisfaction in where He is taking you all in one. The really amazing thing about culturing is once the good "stuff" builds up enough, the gunk doesn't stand a chance. It's a beautiful, all natural process we can invite into our lives.
So when you see a window into my life through this blog, please know that I am on a journey. A messy, wacky, exhausting, hair-pulling-out, too-tired-to-care-sometimes journey. My desire is to relay parenting wisdom, truth, and vulnerability as I go. A window to a moment or a maybe a day. If you look through the window and see me groomed, with a happy baby propped on my hip, flawlessly homeschooling my toddlers...come back in an hour.
The door is always open though. Write me, connect with me on facebook, and let's culture friendship!
Matthew 13:33
"33 Jesus also used this illustration: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like the yeast a woman used in making bread. Even though she put only a little yeast in three measures of flour, it permeated every part of the dough.”
No comments:
Post a Comment