But here I am- if only for a moment. There is a growing trend, a beautiful one really, where mothers will post pictures of their messy houses as if to pull us all out from under the facade that we live clean lives. Maybe some of us with obsessive-compuslive tendencies (I am especially jealous of you people) cannot relate, but for the most of us, messy houses just come with the territory. I find myself drifting towards these blogs for affirmation. It's just nice to know when you really aren't alone.
These last few days I have been especially honest on social media about my lack of faith, and I was thinking, it just doesn't have the same effect as a "messy house confession." Most know I am a person of faith, but it becomes nothing but a facade when fear replaces faith. And let's just say, facades are powerless. And the gospel is one displayed not with words, but with power. If I can't get my words to line up with what I believe, this is a powerless house and powerless faith, and that will not get me through the my rock bottom.
The first thing I do when I lack faith is read about other people who lacked faith in the Bible. I know that doesn't sound helpful, but it really makes me feel like less of a spiritual loser. This is one of my all time favorites:
(Remember, this passage is following the day that Jesus fed the 5,000)
"Later that night, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and he was alone on land. He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. Shortly before dawn he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, because they all saw him and were terrified.
Immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened." Mark 6:47-52
Basically, these people were looking right at God, and didn't believe Him. This is just one example. We also have the disciples again, trying to {unsuccessfully} deliver a tormented child, and Jesus calls them a "faithless generation." Then, the doubting Thomas. And hey, how about a huge portion of the CHOSEN PEOPLE of God himself WAITING on the Messiah?
So after I assure myself that I am human, I go back to scriptures and make sure God knows I am human:
"For we have a magnificent King-Priest, Jesus Christ, who is the Son of God, who rose into the heavenly realm for us, and now sympathizes with us in our frailty. He understands humanity, for as a man, our magnificent King-Priest was tempted in every way just as we are, and conquered sin. So now we come freely and boldly to where love is enthroned, to receive mercy's kiss and discover the grace we urgently need to strengthen us in our time of weakness."
Hebrews 4: 14-16, Passion Translation (Which is soooooo good!)
"As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust."
Psalm 103:13-14 (I love this! He remembers I came from dust! THANK YOU, GOD!)
Just a sample of scriptures that reference human weakness. In fact, if you do an index search on the word "weakness" or "burden" you will find that our weaknesses are designed to pull us into the Father's embrace. We have a built in need for God. For a long time I thought, because of these many verse (Ex: "His strength is perfected in our weakness") that being weak was a really good thing, but after walking through a really weak time in my life I have determined that weakness is actually bad. Weakness submitted is good. Sort of like how humanity filtered through faith is actually really powerful, in fact, proves God's power (and is the reason power promotes the Kingdom). However, humanity by itself is quite destructive.
I have been really aware of my humanity lately. I mean, my kids have been two seconds away from visits to the ER for two weeks in a row. I kept thinking of those hard-hearted disciples, and told myself, "I'm human, and it doesn't surprise Him a bit!" As I sought comfort in the flaws of humanity, proof-texting as hard as I could go, I heard God speak simply, "But think of the faith of one." I immediately thought of Abraham. God chose Him to begin a nation because of His faith. Not only that, but his faith was not just credited to HIM as righteousness, but also to Sarah (who didn't believe God). Just an ordinary man who believed God.
I can't stop there. Moses lead a nation out of slavery. He was a shepherd, standing before a mighty Pharaoh, commanding him. In fact, Moses' mother {by faith} saw that her son had a special mark on his life. There are so many others listed in Hebrews 11. Another favorite of mine is King David- just an ordinary guy, Samuel thought he was too plain to be a king, but God saw his heart. What was so special about David's heart? He was obviously flawed, but he trusted God. Then, from his lineage came Jesus!
I have been so challenged this week to be someone who just simply believes God. I don't want to be Thomas who has to see to believe. There is something powerful about a person, who apart from circumstance, chooses to trust God or obey God. Here is Romans 15:19, "Because one person disobeyed God, many became sinners. But because on other person obeyed God, many will be made righteous." That's talking about Jesus. Scripture says that legions of angels would have come and rescued Jesus if He would have called out for them, but He didn't. He did the Father's will, and reconciled us all. One person obeyed God.
Please don't be validated by my weakness. I am asking God to make me into "one" who is faithful, because I believe that God can do monumental works if just ONE person will trust Him. Of course, I can think of many in the charismatic world, "famous Christians" in my book, and I look up to their faith. The truth is, anyone can fake faith....until, well, the world falls apart. I read a negative prophetic word that shook me up, and when I took it to God He gave me a specific verse to look up. It was Psalm 46:2-3, "So we will never fear even if every structure of support were to crumble away {note: the earth itself}! We will not fear even when the earth quakes and shakes, moving mountains and casting them into the sea. For the raging roar of stormy winds and crashing waves cannot erode our faith in you." Talk about the sword of scripture dividing soul and spirit, this scripture humbles me to a little human pinprick. Like, who am I to carry HOPE and CONFIDENCE as the earth is falling apart at its seams (or you know, when my kids are sick)? BUT, if I will stop asking that question and look to who He says He is, that is what radical faith is. It's the kind of faith that starts with one, and carries with it the power to transform nations, and the WORLD.
I want to have that kind of faith.
