I have not blogged in quite awhile.
Life has been really messy. I have decided that having four children
has escorted me to the very edge of myself. Grace is not just a
cliché familiarity, but something I need to survive. I feel like my
brain and body is the epitome of exhaustion. Yet, here I am. There
isn't enough time for a nap, and muffins are in the oven for snack
time. Full-time job is not inclusive enough for stay at home
parenting! Love though, it makes you do crazy things, and I really love my children.
I am here to offer up my opinion on
Christmas. I am not by personality a controversial person, and so writing
about Christmas is scary for me. SCARY. Why are nativity scenes and
Christmas trees and pretty gift-wrapped boxes scary? Well, those are
not exactly the frightening elements I am referring to, though they
certainly play a part. Instead, I have found myself reflecting more
and more on the position a large percentage of the church has taken
towards gift giving. In an attempt to shield and separate ourselves
from “the world” there is a growing movement to not at all
celebrate the commercialism of Christmas. A clever “something you
want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read”
has plastered itself in an aesthetically pleasing meme on Pinterest,
and even I let the words sink deep inside my soul to see how it felt,
and I have to say, I didn't like it.
Now, if you love this method of
giving gifts to your children, I want you to continue. This is not an
attack on you. This is my opinion, remember? It's okay if we're
different.
I personally believe that Christmas is
a time to give extravagantly. I believe Christmas is a time to truly
portray God the Father's heart towards us, His favorite children. I
believe children should go wild making lists and harboring
expectancy, and that Christmas morning should exceed their
expectations.
I didn't realize my stance was even
controversial until recently. I realize of course that so many in the
church (and maybe outside of it) are desperate to separate their
children from entitlement. I absolutely believe that in a first world
nation like America, this is indeed a lifestyle that I do not want
attaching itself to my children. Listen though, entitlement does not
come from expectancy. Entitlement does not come from receiving gifts
freely. Entitlement comes when we believe we deserve what we have
been given. That is literally the opposite of the gospel. The recipe
for warding off entitlement is not to withhold gifts from children,
but to explain to them they did absolutely nothing to earn these
presents, and as little people, they couldn't do chores an entire
year and buy these presents for themselves. Instead, they receive
presents because they are precious and loved, the same reason God
gives to us. Not out of worthiness, but because of the inherent worth
He has put on our lives. Also, I enjoy the look on their faces. When our children receive gifts out of this
place of humility, then years of plenty and years of lack make no
difference at all.
Facebook memories invited me to
reflect on a post I made several years back. I had discovered the toy
Jake really, really wanted was out of stock because we didn't have
the money to order it sooner than mid-December. It was a seriously
cool toy. I told Jake that so many boys had asked for this toy, that
Santa wouldn't be able to bring it to him [I know, a little white lie]. His face sunk and he ran
to his room. I followed him, thinking he was heartbroken. No, he was
gathering bags and boxes (whatever he could find) and stuffing Lego's
into them. He tells me that he didn't realize Santa could run out of
toys and he wanted to create Lego sets to give to other children who
wouldn't receive the sets that they asked for. He then tells me, “I
don't care if you give me anything. I already have Jesus.”
This is the heart of Christmas-- not
the gifts. But, the gifts flow from this place! The greatest gift
we all have is Jesus. Everything else, the extravagant generosity of
Christmas, flows out of this celebration. I want to reiterate that
some years have been more plentiful than others. We are also blessed
with family that gives generously to our children. My point is
though, that we have never felt compelled to hold back. My children
are not entitled, they are expectant and grateful. Now, we don't give just to cover our living room floor. We thoughtfully and prayerfully consider requests, set a reasonable budget for the season we are in, and then, by all means, go wild!!
I also never use Christmas to bribe my
children into “good behavior.” If they are naughty, discipline
will ensue, but not on Christmas morning. I was just reading Psalm 78
last night, about the Israelite's. Here is a small excerpt with some emphasis added in parentheses:
“He performed miracles in plain
sight of their parents...He split the sea and they walked right
through it...He led them by day with a cloud, led them all night long
with a fiery torch. He split rocks in the wilderness, gave them all
the could drink from underground springs....All they did was sin even
more....They whined like spoiled children [and asked for
more]....When God heard that, he was furious...But God helped them
anyway and gave orders to open up the gates of heaven. He rained down
showers of manna to eat, he gave them the bread of heaven....This
time it was birds that rained down- succulent birds. An abundance of
birds. He aimed them right into the center of their camp [they didn't
have to work for it]...But their greed knew no bounds; they stuffed
their mouths with more and more. Finally God was fed up....they kept
right on sinning....they turned and plead for mercy. They gave
witness that God was their rock....but they didn't mean a word of it;
they lied through their teeth the whole time. They could not have
cared less about him...And, God? Compassionate! Forgave the sin!
Didn't destroy! Over and over he reigned in his anger....How often in
the desert they had spurned him, tried his patience in those
wilderness years.....How quickly they forgot what he had done...”
Basically you are reading about
entitlement. Yet God did not say, “That's it. You're just getting
manna!” No, when they asked for water, he supernaturally supplied
water. When they asked for food, he gave them the bread of heaven.
When they asked for meat, he rained down “succulent quail” right
into their camp, as if on a platter. He scattered their enemies so
they had nothing to fear. Still, they forgot all he had done to deliver them
from Egypt. He continued to give until he was utterly fed up, at
which point they still didn't care! Okay, this would be a reasonable
time to neglect gift-giving, I think. God allowed his children to
push him to the breaking point-- a place where they literally lied to
him as they worshiped, before he withdrew his generosity. Still, in
his heart there was already a plan brewing, the greatest gift of all
time was waiting to be unleashed into the world, a gift that would
draw his children back into his heart for eternity. God is not afraid
of entitlement. The Bible tells us he did not spare his own son. It's
not like he was thinking, “If I give them Jesus, they're going to
want me too. We can't have that!” He was after relationship! And,
giving out of relationship does not induce entitlement, unless the
receiver doesn't want relationship. In the case of children, you have
a relationship, so heap on the goodness. That's what God does! While we are on the topic of relationship, let me add that entitlement doesn't come as a result of Christmas, but how one parents the other 364 days of the years.
“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” Romans 8:32
“Every
good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of
the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
James 1:17
“ God
can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or
guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us
around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within
us.”
Ephesians 3:20-21
I
included some scriptures that I believe reference this issue. I also want to mention the Prodigal Son parable here-- The father, symbolic of God, gave the naughty son his inheritance early! Then, he squandered it on prostitutes and parties. He humbled himself and came home, and the father did not say, "Well, I'm not giving anything more to you." No, he continued to give to his son. God uses giving-- even material things, to invite us into his love.This is symbolic of a spiritual truth, that God loves to give to his children.
In
closing, I just want to say that if your children are saved, and the
gospel is growing in their healthy little hearts, I personally do not
believe that extravagant giving on Christmas day is going to ruin their
lives. I believe Christmas is a time to celebrate generosity to your
children, and to others. That being said, generosity is not something
to contain in your living room. We sponsor a child or two every year,
something we invite our children into. You know, gift-giving is just
fun! There are ways to do it richly. There are ways to do it cheaply.
I can still remember one year we couldn't afford a Christmas tree, so
Jake made one out of Lego's. A friend heard we didn't have one, and
offered us hers 5 day before Christmas because she was traveling out
of town to see family. Jake shrieked, “Now we have TWO Christmas
trees!!” I still remember that Christmas, when we didn't expect to
have a Christmas tree, that we had two-- a colorful Lego one in the
window, and a perfectly green, heavenly-scented one with lights in
the living room. God is so extravagant! TWO TREES! Entitlement is not
bred as a result of being given something, it comes when we can't
celebrate the plastic Lego tree. Entitlement is faithless.
Entitlement is self-focused. The very nature of GIVING is to take the
focus off yourself. So, let's empty our pockets and our hearts this
Christmas. Yeah, I said it! Not just on ourselves, either. Anyone
outside of the church should recognize Christians as the most
extravagant givers on earth. After all, we learned it from our
Father, right?
