Is it really 2011?

     I had the same new years resolution for 8 years in a row and last year was the first time that it was actually fulfilled. My resolution: gain weight. No doubt it sticks out among normal resolutions. It goes without mentioning, two children later, I’ve accomplished something extraordinarily big for me. However, perhaps it is time to pick a new resolution, preferably something that doesn’t take me 8 years to conquer.
     This year started difficult. I was lonely, guilt ridden, and more often than not, felt like Lot’s wife, looking back on my old life not even able to see the promise land God had put before me. God had mercy on this stubborn, scared woman that I was. I had the privilege of giving birth again this year to a healthy baby girl. I also got to watch Jacob grow a little more into his star personality. We did not prosper at all on our own. In fact, in this year, our roommate moved out leaving us to pay $300 extra a month to keep our house, all while Paul started working less. A promise of tax money perked us, however due to government loans that had not quite gone into consolidation mode were able to swipe that full amount from us. We still had child support coming in thanks to Mike, but when he went unemployed, we gave that up too. Pretty soon, we found ourselves living on Paul’s part time income. He applied for multiple jobs each week starting in July and onward.
     This year was like boot camp for learning to trust God with everything. When I was afraid that I would have no maternity clothes to wear, my Mom would call and tell me to pick out some for my birthday. I was a lonely mom as well, sitting at home wishing someone would pay attention to me. I slowly and reluctantly joined mother’s groups, and before I knew it, I had plenty of mommas to call up and have play dates with. When we were sharing a two-wheel drive car while living in Mi-wuk, “family” gifted us a Subaru. When we missed a power bill, the church stepped in. We learned to live without internet and cell phones. Sometimes our mouths would drop open as we looked into our pantry, so full that we could fit no more. I actually couldn’t remember where all of the food came from! Paul and I both felt the call from God to write a book, and were able to buy a laptop, making payments of $25 a month. We couldn’t even do that, yet the first month we missed a payment we received a letter from the company that we’d purchased it from, “Your debt is forgiven, keep the computer. God always provides.” When I gave a friend a small grocery bag of clothes for her newborn girl, a friend of mine then gave me a Tupperware box full of clothes for Sonora. This whole year has been like this. Every job that Paul wanted to get, the Lord said, “Wait.” Every ministry opportunity that we would have given anything to be part of, the Lord would say, “Wait.” Lots of tears, lots of needless worrying. Paul was days away from joining the military because we weren’t sure how we were even going to keep our house!
     I got tired of hearing Paul say, “it’ll be tight this month, but it’ll get better.“ It never seemed to get better. We had to remind ourselves, “we’re rich in the best kinds of things!“ Friends would remind me, “sometimes God only gives us exactly what we need to get by.” That was definitely the way of it. I was called to sacrifice more than ever before. Unfortunately I had been under the impression that I deserved nice things, clothes to wear, heat to keep me warm, a car to drive, a baby room for my first daughter, fresh food to eat. It is very humbling to be cold! (Jake has a heater in his room, so we don’t ask him to be cold). It is also humbling to wake up early and pack a toddler in the car and drive husband to work (I LOVE having a second car, it’s like the best thing EVER). Giving up a baby room was one of the biggest sacrifices and although I knew I couldn’t afford one, I continually used every bit of money that came into my hands from baby showers to buy small knick knacks for the walls and rugs for the floor. Every time I go into that stupid empty room (actually it has a desk in it that doubles as a changing table, a broken changing table that we got for free from a repossessed house, a dresser that I redid and a small co-sleeper that I borrowed from a friend) I see the stuff on the walls and think about how stupid I was to think that I needed a baby room. There are still things that I would like to have, but I will am learning not to place any kind of emphasis on what money can buy.
     The day after Thanksgiving, Paul was laid off. He missed an entire week of work. Alva Peters called me and told me that Diestel Turkey was hiring. Paul had seen the ad in the paper but looked over it completely because the qualifications were way beyond his own. However, thanks to Jason and Alva, Diestel decided to at least interview Paul and see what his goals were, and per this he was hired. He was only unemployed for seven days after he had been searching for a job for months. Paul hadn’t started at Diestel quite yet but the money was still rolling in. Gift after gift from friends and family, and people who anonymously sent us cash in the mail. It wasn’t always easy because some of this money was given to us for Christmas alone and we had to put it towards car maintenance, and late bills, among other things. Paul getting a job, and being able to “catch up” was the greatest Christmas gift of all. We have learned so much.
     Our goal is to give twice what has been given to us, and in about three months of careful budgeting, we should be able to do it. God has taught us his true currency, that you sow in order to reap, give in order that you receive, even if what you have you need to survive. We’ve learned that everything in the world belongs to God, we don’t need to worry where our next meal comes from, or where we’ll be living in a couple of months.
     I can proudly say that as this years ends, I cannot count how many best friends I have made. Several months ago I found myself reminiscing about moving home to North Carolina, now I wonder how I’m ever going to leave this enchanting place called Sonora, much less the people who make it so special. Ok, no plans to leave but I’ve been uprooted somewhere comfortable at the expense of God’s call, I’ve learned not to expect anything, except maybe change. In either case, I love this place. I love our house in Mi-wuk, and I especially love our church. I have been taken under so many wings, I cannot count, nurtured and loved in ways I never knew perfect strangers cared to do. With blessings come some minor setbacks, such as the day that Jake learned “That’s mine!” and Sonora decided she only wants to sleep next to Mommy’s heartbeat. There are worst things, aren’t there? We are so blessed, so much so that I dare not blink too long for fear it will be over. We (I almost said “are learning”) have LEARNED to trust God. He always provides. We have also learned that when we see two roads before us, it’s always best to take the one less traveled, the one that requires the greatest amount of faith. That is my new years resolution, that we will have the courage to take that road less traveled. The thing I desire most this year is nothing that money can buy, but a closer relationship with the Lord, a “meek and gentle” spirit for myself, and happy children and husband. If the road less traveled is another Jesus boot camp, we’ll take it. We have learned way more this year than any other year in our lives and we only desire more of HIM.