I have been speed reading certain passages in the Bible this morning in order to provide some Biblical validation for what I want to write about. To no avail, really- well, for the purposes of this blog anyway, elsewhere I am encouraged. I want to write about a theory I have learned through my journey with Him. The mystery that I am no longer a sinner in Christ Jesus evades me, making this post difficult. This is why I pulled my Bible out, because I would never want to contradict truth. To me, truth is plain. It is black and white, and there isn’t a way around it. This is why I am careful. So hold me accountable, if you’d like. I won’t say that Holy Spirit spoke to me these words verbatim but overtime this theory has begun to surface in my soul and paved the way to greater freedom. I hope it makes sense.
Whenever I became a young Christian, my basic understanding was that Jesus died for my sins. Good understanding, right? I don’t remember if I was told this or assumed it, but shortly thereafter I decided that God’s love had to be earned by a righteous life. Is this in the Bible? Absolutely not. But I didn’t know that. Again, somewhere down the line a speaker in college announced that sin is really simple. She held two fingers together, and poked her second index finger into the middle. THERE! Sin is simply whatever separates us from God. I have lived by that simplistic theory for so long, believing that in my weakness, I would be separated from God. He is holy and righteous, how can He dwell near my sin? I definitely did not put it together that Jesus spent His time with sinners [if you’ll recall his question to the Pharisees, “it is not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick!] while on this Earth.
This is where my theology may get shaky. I am not a sinner, I am a saint. Jesus is both the High Priest, and himself the great sacrifice. My sins have been atoned for. There is still the charge to live by the Spirit- this is walking out true freedom, in step with the Spirit. So while I do not consider myself a sinner, allow me to confess here-I have certainly fallen short of His glory. I am pretty sure the Bible says we all have, but I carry the condemnation further than I should (since I have chosen to carry it at all). Hey, my life is a journey! I have had people who hardly know me straight up prophesy that I believe lies about the nature of God, and if any of you want to give the enemy a bee line access to your life, just believe a couple of lies. That is for another time though.
Recently I prayed for a person that I know, someone I do not like and is quite frankly a chore to love. I asked God why this person doesn’t like me (our distaste is mutual) and God told me that I hate their sin [and they know it]. I guess I was raised up under another adage, “Love the person, hate their sin.” Now, I am not saying this adage is a lie, and God didn’t say that to me either. God told me that when I look at this person through the lens of hating sin, I am actually giving his sin power. Basically, what if I looked at this person through the lens of God's love? What if I believed that his life could be redeemed simply. This really had me thinking for weeks about sin. God is very jealous for His people, so please do not hear me say that sin is of no consequence to God. I wouldn’t say that, and certainly God never has in His word. He sent His own son to deal with sin, so it's a big deal. What I felt like God was telling me is to understand that sin can be dealt with through Jesus. For years the sacrifices given by priests were not even enough to cover the sins of the people. The law of Moses wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough until Jesus died. When that happened, the sacrifice required was more than fulfilled {Hebrews 10 is a good place to start for this}. God has a plan for redeeming sin.
Moving on.
Several weeks ago I was praying with a friend. I was allowing my imagination to respond to God and inviting His presence. I had this vision of God wanting to visit me at my house but I didn’t want Him to come in because my floor was filthy. Our kitchen floor in particular. In the vision, I finally allowed God to come in (but I was really ashamed!) and I was surprised that as He walked along my floor, it became spotless. He makes all things new. It reminded me of His great kindness towards me, even in my weakness. It reminded me that His grace is sufficient. It reminded me that He is patient and kind.
This morning I was grieving my nature, my human nature. It was surfacing, a lot. Prayer and purposeful worship usually kicks it out, but in the past that has been my last resort.
Why?
Well, because I thought sin separated me from God. I would hide when I found myself being tempted. Even when I gave into that temptation. When He would call for me I would tell Him ‘no’ because I didn’t want to be seen. It’s human nature [reference: Genesis]. I have this picture in my head of an old Egyptian playing his whistle, the cobra slithering upward from the bag. It is so temping to respond to that invitation to evil, I can hardly believe I would actually tell God to give me a day or two to conquer it on my own. I won’t quote scripture here, but I have been reading through Hebrews 4, 5, 6, 7 [just read all of it]. It reminds me that God wants me to invite Him into my mess. He invites me to come BOLDLY before the throne of grace to receive mercy in my time of need. This morning I was so needy, absolutely brawling in the spiritual realm for my sanity and peace. In the past I have thought God would have me back into His presence when I had sorted out my mess, but this morning I showed it to Him.
It's true. I thought of something absolutely horrible and I asked God if He saw it too. I wanted Him to see it. I asked God if he would take it. I told Him how much I hated it, and how I needed Him to help me. I continued my wrestling match this afternoon but I committed to writing this blog because God’s promise to me is that nothing will ever separate me from His love. He is love. 1 John 4:18 says the only reason we could live in fear of God is if we fear His punishment, and if we fear His punishment, we have no idea how loved we really are. I have always been so afraid to let God see me in my weakness.
Somewhere in the midst of my attempt to justify every word of mine with scripture, I searched the reference section in my Bible for all scriptures containing the word grace. It put my entire life into perspective. I am feeling beyond humbled right now for the sacrifice Jesus made for me, for this “anchor for my soul” that ushers me into God’s inner sanctuary when I’m weak. Especially when I’m weak. It is silly to remove myself from God while I am being tempted because the only way to live outside the law is by living according to the Spirit. The answer to righteousness is the Spirit of God living in us. The combatant to human nature is grace.
I am not a sinner because I believe Jesus died for my sins. I am not a failure because I share in His death and resurrection. I am not condemned for being weak today because there is no condemnation in Him.
I am loved. I am welcomed into His presence. Thank you God, I am victorious.
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