Compartmentalize

Like every crazy-busy Christian mother, I have encountered the never-ending mountain in my day of making time to spend with Jesus. I’ve read the books portraying a sweet mother in the early morn with her coffee and Bible, and wished with all of my heart that was me. I’ve written schedule upon schedule, penciling God into my day, and found that in those seasons when my intentions are at their highest, my children are at their worst. Now, maybe it’s Satan prowling like a lion and devouring my quiet half hour with the Lord, or maybe I’m just a really busy mother.

Two years ago I was feeling overwhelmed by my life with little [needy] people, and wrote yet another schedule. This time I was trying to create an hour in my day to write, and at least thirty minutes a day to read my Bible…you know, if I didn’t brush my teeth or eat a balanced diet, which I barely do, anyway. Schedule, schedule, schedule. Spend time with my kids was a high priority, as well as keeping the dishes caught up on, and doing at least one load of laundry a day. I knew Jesus was jealous for me, but I also knew He gave me a house full of children to care for. Time and time again the wisdom coming from the church was, “Well, you’re just going to have to make time,” which left me with a cloak of guilt as I poured my coffee at 7:30 after being kept up by a nursing, wiggling toddler in my bed all night. And, let’s not forget how it feels to see the mom on Facebook with a snapshot of her highlighted Bible (#timewithJesus) while you were still deep in your pillow.

Oh, I have had it out with God over this.

 “You gave me all these children, told me to homeschool them, and I am a mess of a person! I'm not a morning person! I AM NOT A DISCIPLINED PERSON.” 

And, over the years, after having more children, my rant has not changed, but I’ve realized that while I’m not a disciplined person, I am an in process person, and God knows this about me. And, He knows this about you, too!

Here is where I have landed:

Two years ago I was writing another schedule, trying with all my heart to make time for myself, and make time for Jesus. I felt guilty that I gave myself an hour, and I gave Jesus thirty minutes. I heard the word, “Compartmentalize.” I was like, “What does that mean?” I had a vision of a schedule, and there were blocks of time squared out and color-coded, kind of like Google calendar. I saw all the things I usually schedule, like laundry and schooling, and yes, my twice-a-week shower. I heard Him say, “I’m in every box. You don’t need to give me one.” So, that revelation radically changed how I approached spending time with Jesus. I began to wake up and acknowledge Him, do the dishes and open my spirit to what He was speaking, drive to HEB and make sure He knew how much I resented the parking situation at 4:30. And, there He was, in every box.

I began to see my day outside of schedules, which is just not my thing, to a series of choices that I made from the time I woke up to the time I settled down for the night. I found myself standing in front of the stack of dishes thinking, “What I really should be doing is sitting on the floor with my kids.” And, Jesus would say, “Then, do that.” I found that surveying all the things that had to be done and choosing something felt right. I felt good about myself when I made good decisions….and then I continued to make them. Now, sometimes I do put on Magic School Bus for the kids because it’s 10:00 and I choose to take a shower….and at 11:00 I’m still in the bathroom like, “Crap, they’re still watching TV, and I’m hiding from them.” So, I survey what needs to be done. The TV needs to be turned off. That’s my first choice. I need to make them lunch. That’s my second choice. Now, here’s the harder choice to make: Sit at the table with them and eat lunch, or fix my lunch and disappear to my room for 20 minutes? Ah, choices are powerful!! You know what I’ve found? Either choice I make, I’m still a good mom. If I choose to eat in my room, I just need to choose to see them at a later time.

Now, back to spending time with Jesus and how that fits in. Here’s what works for me:

1) Listen to Seeds Family Worship.

I absolutely love Seeds Family Worship. If you aren’t familiar with them, they are a family that puts scripture to really fun, easy to memorize music. It’s so different from sitting at the table reading my Bible, but it reminds me who God is, and who I am to Him.Their albums are on Spotify and Youtube. 

2) Tape a list of my identity somewhere I see it every day.

If you’ve been to my house, you’ve seen my “Father’s Love Letter” taped to my cabinets. I also have a list of “Who I am in Christ” on my other cabinet. Is it tacky to have tattered paper taped to my cabinets? Sure. But, it kind of goes with my style, if you haven’t already figured that out. Do I read them everyday? No. But I read them about 3 times a week, and it’s just another way I stay plugged into scripture and what God says about me.

3). Stay in the same scripture.

I struggled with guilt for a long time about reading my Bible daily. I read it to check off my list, not to connect with God. In the last year, what I have found works for me is to have one scripture that I go back to every day. One scripture that speaks to me (2-3 verses) and I try to read it over again once a day. What that does is 1) helps me to memorize it, and 2) helps me to see different angles. I love how rich scripture is, how as you read it, layer upon layer exposes itself. When I read the same scripture everyday for a week, it helps me to uncover those layers. Different words stand out to me each day. Usually I’ll circle any words that have significance and then if I have time to journal in the week (which is my favorite thing to do with God), I will go back to my familiar scripture and just write what I feel like God was trying to show me. Some of the most significant words or phrases to me are “If” or “Then,” or “Not only that”.

4) Write letters to yourself.

I started doing this at Bethel, and it is my favorite way to hear from God. This does require some discipline, but seriously, we’re talking like 30 minutes once a month. I steal away to a quiet room, or my car, and I ask Jesus to write a letter to me. Sometimes He speaks so fast and so detailed, my hand can’t keep up. I tell him, “You’re gonna have to slow down!!!” It’s so funny that when I’m doing the dishes, this doesn’t happen. But, when it comes time to write myself a letter, the words come pouring into my spirit! I have all kinds of letters stashed around, in my journal, in my Bible, in books on my nightstand. I probably should value them more since they are words from Jesus, but it’s kind of fun finding them at random. So, try it out!

5) Read a book.

I know, you’re a mom, and you don’t have time to read the Bible, how do you have time to read a book?? Well, to me, the Bible requires a quieting of my spirit, which is half the battle in a crazy house. I usually read one book a month. Jonathan Welton, an expert Bible teacher, says that reading books to help you understand the Bible is as important as reading the Bible. Personally, I love stories. I love people. Sometimes being a busy mom disconnects me from people in a big way, a painful way, but I accept that my season here is brief and my calling immense, so I read people’s stories. I love fiction, but more than anything, I love a good missionary or revivalist story. I eat up revival history. I highly recommend God’s Generals series. I guarantee they will change their life. I’m on my third read-through. I love The Heavenly Man. WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. All of Heidi Baker’s books. I just read Godrunner by Will Hart. It was so fun to read his journey. I love Darren Wilson’s books. Brian Simmons. I love equipping books by Beni and Bill Johnson, Kris Vallotton, and oh my goodness, Steve and Wendi Backlund have changed our lives!! However, my favorite books are stories of people who, against all odds, live out the message of their lives.

It’s okay if it takes you 6 months to read one book. Just have one by your bed….just in case you get the flu or something and have some time on your hands (not funny, I know).

God has not thrown you to the wolves by giving you a pile of children and asking for your time. No, He’s given you the gift of the Holy Spirit so in the middle of a rigid schedule (I envy you, Type A people!) or just a wad of time that you’re trying to piece together into something productive one choice at a time, He’s there. And, pursuing Him and knowing Him is the greatest choice any of us can make with our days.  

Hope in Glory (Commentary on Romans 5:1-5)

Do you have a scripture that you could just live in?

This is mine...this week, anyway. 

Romans 5: 1-5

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have PEACE with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have ACCESS BY FAITH into this GRACE in which we stand, and REJOICE IN HOPE of the GLORY OF GOD.

And, not only that, but we also GLORY in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character, and character, hope.

Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

Hmm. I could just stay there. Several days ago I read the verse, “Hope does not disappoint,” and cried. Isn’t that liberating? Sometimes I feel afraid to hope- desiring something good and to my favor- because I think of how painful it will be if what I am hoping for doesn’t come to fruition. How good is God to give us permission to hope without risk?

Today when I read this same scripture over again, I was stuck on REJOICE IN HOPE of the GLORY OF GOD. Bill Johnson says to rejoice is to “Be joyful. Then, do it again.” In what? The Glory of God.

Oh, The Glory of God. Essentially, God’s glory is the essence of who He is. In Exodus 33:18-19, Moses asks to see God’s glory, and God responds, “I will cause my Goodness to pass before you.”

We rejoice in anticipation of God’s goodness. That is something to rejoice about!

“And, not only that, but we also GLORY in tribulations.” Romans 5:3

Suddenly glory goes from this brilliant essence of God to a verb. We glory in tribulation. How does one glory? Well, with a quick Google of Greek, the term alternates with exalt or boast. So similar to God’s Glory being the very reason for his exaltation, we experience His glory and release the essence of who He is when we exalt Him. We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God because we can experience His glory. That’s how we give Him glory. Glory can be complicated because it’s essentially as mysterious and completely concrete as God is. Just know 1) God’s glory is His essence, 2) You bring God glory when you operate out of His essence, AKA, He created you for a purpose. In tribulation we express who God is by allowing Him to work patience and character and hope within us. 

We all know that tribulation produces patience and perseverance. Been there, done that. Right? But, what stood out to me is that:

“...perseverance produces CHARACTER, and CHARACTER, HOPE.” Romans 5:4

How does character produce hope?

And, why is hope the goal, here? Isn’t character the crown of a decent human being? Shouldn’t that be the final frontier….not hope?

Back to Google and Greek. Character is interchangeable here with experience. Perseverance produces experience. What is so valuable about experience? Well, we build a history with God. We learn He is faithful. Character here is referring to trusting God, and as we began to trust God unwavering, a seed of hope is planted within us, a hope of glory. Hope of His goodness being displayed in the most unlikely of circumstances.

 Earlier in the week I cried at the idea that hope would not disappoint me, but now I understand that this sort of indestructible hope comes at a price. We can't switch it on like faith. Real hope, cultivated hope, comes as a result of trusting God in trial.

“Now hope does not disappoint, because the LOVE of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Romans 5:5

When perseverance has produced character, and character, hope, we will not be disappointed. We'll have hope in what we dared to believe all along as we walked through the wilderness- we are loved by God. We rejoice in the hope of His glory. 

This is why we cannot help but glory in trial. This is why character produces hope. This is why He shares His glory with us, and once we taste it, hope digs a deep soil bed in our hearts, and we won’t be disappointed.  

Let Your Light Shine (Isaiah 58 Commentary)

“Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness will go before you,

and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.” Isaiah 58:8

Yesterday evening I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by life. This week was HARD. I was sick, Paul got less work than was expected, our van needed MORE repairs, and then I woke up with a clogged duct (good times…😐). I could feel myself slipping into hopelessness about our situation, and the only reason I stayed somewhat sane was because my husband kept reminding me, "This is just a battle for our peace. We have to stay FOCUSED." 

So, after I put the baby to sleep last night I sat in my rocking chair and waited for the Lord to speak to me. Anything. As I closed my eyes and rocked I had a vision of the scene in the Lord of the Rings where you, as the viewer, become totally convinced that there is no longer hope for the good guys and their deaths are imminent and evil will now rule Middle Earth. The cinematography is incredible because the scene is almost completely dark, shadowy, and consumed by death. Then, on the mountain, LIGHT BREAKS, and Gandalf charges down the mountain as a sliver of fluorescent light follows him, and the scene changes.

When I saw this in the spirit, I thought to myself, “Well, it’s about time, Jesus!” You know, because this week about killed me…haha. Then, I went to bed.

This morning as I worshiped I saw this picture again of the light breaking into the battle and changing the nature of it, and I heard the phrase, “Your light will break forth.” I knew that was a scripture, so I entered it into my Bible app and was brought to Isaiah 58. Immediately what stood out to me was the light breaking was NOT God. It was MY light that was breaking forth. Your light. Not God’s light. It made me think of how many times we ask God for His light to break through, while we patiently, sometimes desperately wait, but the breakthrough God is wanting to do is INTERNAL.

 I think it’s important to notice the IF’s and THEN’s in scripture so we can gather some context. So, I read the beginning of Isaiah 58 and put simply, PERFORMANCE will never cause our light to break forth. Other translations refer to the light as salvation. Performance will never earn us salvation. IF we will do away with performance and serve Him in authenticity, caring for the things He cares for, THEN, our light will break forth.

His righteousness goes before us, the goodness of His glory is our rear guard, and all we have to do is let our light shine!

“THEN you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.” Isaiah 58:9 (emphasis mine)

So many times- and I am so guilty of this- we think that the battle is between God and the devil. Good and evil. But, no, that battle has already been fought and won! Hallelujah!

The REAL battle is between what is happening in my head and what the truth of God says about my situation. That is the battle of breakthrough. That is the path to peace.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression...THEN, your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like noonday.” Isaiah 58:9-10 (emphasis mine)

     If you want your light to break forth, and your healing to appear swiftly, breaking the yoke of oppression is really the place to start, that is, FIND FREEDOM. The good news is, it's easily accessed in Christ. 

“The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.” Isaiah 58:11-12

This morning John spoke on Nehemiah and how those of us in Kerrville have a mandate to restore our city. When I got home, I actually read to the end of Isaiah 58 and verse 11-12 stood out to me. It’s a THEN promise: If we will do all He says (surrender our lives to Him, consecrate our hearts, BREAK THE YOKE OF OPPRESSION, GIVE TO OTHERS, trust Him to have our needs met, be strengthened in Him to name a few), THEN we will be the ones to repair the broken walls of our city, and restore the streets!

How prophetic is it that the dwelling place God wants to repair before the cities are restored is ME. It's YOU. We are the dwelling place He wants!!  Healthy people make healthy cities!!

“If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the Lord’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14then you will find your joy in the Lord,
and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken. Isaiah 58:13-14

I believe the Sabbath has different implications in the new covenant, but the standard of rest and obedience remain the same. IF we will honor the Lord with our lives, THEN we will find joy and triumph on the heights of the land (yeah!)and feast on our eternal inheritance.

Thank you God that we have everything, everything, everything- by your mercy and grace- to live bright lives, full of breakthrough. Our darkness will shine like the day, we’ll rebuild our city, bring freedom to the captives, experience joy and the fullness of our inheritance when we depart from oppression and religion, submit our lives to you, and love the way you love.

(Yeah!!!)

The Evolution of Motherhood

 Last week a friend of mine with two kids asked me how I do it with five kids. Suddenly the question sent me into a spiral of remembrance, to a time when I had just two kids.

And, yes, it was very hard. There were the obvious hard parts of parenting, like coordinating nap times, and taking two young children with the social skills of monkeys into public by myself, and cleaning up underneath the high chair five hundred times a day, and wondering if I’d ever know what it felt like to sleep again. Yes, all of that was quite difficult, but it didn’t last forever. My toddler and baby grew into a sweet, respectful, helpful seven and nine year old, and babies and toddlers were gradually thrown into the mix. And slowly, over time, it wasn’t so hard anymore.

Now some of that can be attributed to having older kids to distract the younger one. Yes, that is an absolute lifesaver!! As I am typing, my nine year old is building Lego's with the four year old, and has been off in imaginary Legoland for going on two hours. My seven year old is reading to the two year old. My baby is happily kicking at a mobile. It’s quite peaceful in the house in this particular moment, and it was just as peaceful 10 minutes ago when I realized my two year old had poked her thumb through the aluminum cover of more applesauce cups than she had committed to eat. And, also 20 minutes ago when I caught her coloring on the wall with a marker. And, also 45 minutes ago when she pulled her sister’s hair and I took her hand, and told her that we do not pull hair in this house. Our whole morning has been blissfully peaceful, even with crumbs scattered on the tile floor.

So, even though my season has shifted, I have also shifted as a person. I have evolved into someone who let’s a lot more go than I used to. What used to warrant wood spoon spankings now calls for a simple correction. What used to make me gag now makes me laugh. What used to make me scream now makes me breathe long slow breaths behind a closed door. What used to make me cry makes me pray. And, on and on the journey of evolution has brought me to someone who laughs a lot more than I cry, and I believe I can pinpoint to several keys that have lead me into peaceful parenting.

# 1: Enjoy your children.

Relish in them. The dancing and singing, and endless stories. The sweetest little request to read a book while you are in the middle of making dinner. The arms extended into the sky, bouncing at your side, expectant to be held. Just do it. Read to them, hold them, play bingo (and win. Mwahaha!), gawk over the most extravagant Lego jet that has ever been built in the history of Lego jets. Get on your knees to see them better. One of my favorite authors describes raising children as sprinkling gold dust on them, one kind act at a time, one controlled temper at a time, one kiss at a time, one book read at a time. Our culture wants to tell us that we can give them chunks of gold every now and then: a trip to Disney, a big allowance, dance lessons, a cell phone- whatever- and it will supplement gold dust, the every day ways we show love. But, it’s a lie. Not that there isn’t value in all the things we do to bless our children in big ways, but good parenting is the every day tending to their hearts.

Whenever parenting a particular child starts feeling overwhelming or difficult, I make it a point to enjoy them, doing something they like to do. I listen, if they need that. I speak into their hearts, if they need that. For some reason, in my early parenting days, I felt like parenting was a job. I was a boss. I was a a slave driver some days. Now I know that even though it is work, it’s not a job. I’m not a boss, I’m a parent. Kind of like a shepherd. I’m the embodiment of daily boundaries: “Yes you may do this. No you may not do that.” I set the tone of my home, and if it starts feeling chaotic, everything around me bows to my number one responsibility, making sure my children feel and recognize genuine love.

# 2: It’s not a crisis.

Now, before you think I’ve figured everything out, allow me to tell on myself. Poop used to be a crisis. If a 2 year old pooped in their undies after I asked them not to poop in their undies, I would wrestle them beneath a cold shower. “Mommy said not to poop in your undies. That is a NO-NO.” Those memories practically scar me!! I don’t know how my children turned out decent. I’m not sure why I thought potty-training was a crisis, but now, very little in my home is a crisis.

Potty-training is whatever. Poop on the floor is hilarious. Marker on the walls is a trademark of being a two year old. No, it isn’t allowed. Yes, I correct it. But it really isn’t a big deal. One of the best things Paul and I ever did was give permission to the two year old to be a two year old, and a four year old to be a four year old, and so on. Sometimes I will feel myself getting frustrated and Paul will say, “Honey, she’s four.” It’s okay to act your age in our house. You’re safe to freak out if someone rips your picture. You’re safe to scream at a sibling who broke your toy. You’re safe to melt into a puddle of grief if Daddy turns your show off.

Yes, there is correction. Yes, there is discipline if frustration turns to vengeance. But there is so much grace to be human. Parents spend so much time wanting kids to be good, well-mannered, predictable in social-settings…robots. I’ve found that enlisting theory # 1 (enjoying them), while treating them like multi-faceted, ever-changing, emotional humans that they actually are makes them really great kids. Treating explosive, annoying, or messy moments like they aren’t crises first helps you keep a level-head, but second, teaches your kids by example how to respond. And, just like the gold dust of every day goodness accumulates slowly, so does a graceful character.

Also, do you know what diffuses tantrums the quickest in our house? Hugs. Long, firm hugs. 

# 3: Correct Childhood foolishness, discipline rebellion.

This piece of wisdom saved me as a young mother grasping at a million different parenting theories. This. Just let me add, start training early. Start correcting early. Discipline consistently and kindly, and according to what works for each individual child. See, I told you parenting was work! I hear the dividends are through the roof though, so don’t give up sowing...in due time, you’ll reap a harvest of goodness.