Compartmentalize

Like every crazy-busy Christian mother, I have encountered the never-ending mountain in my day of making time to spend with Jesus. I’ve read the books portraying a sweet mother in the early morn with her coffee and Bible, and wished with all of my heart that was me. I’ve written schedule upon schedule, penciling God into my day, and found that in those seasons when my intentions are at their highest, my children are at their worst. Now, maybe it’s Satan prowling like a lion and devouring my quiet half hour with the Lord, or maybe I’m just a really busy mother.

Two years ago I was feeling overwhelmed by my life with little [needy] people, and wrote yet another schedule. This time I was trying to create an hour in my day to write, and at least thirty minutes a day to read my Bible…you know, if I didn’t brush my teeth or eat a balanced diet, which I barely do, anyway. Schedule, schedule, schedule. Spend time with my kids was a high priority, as well as keeping the dishes caught up on, and doing at least one load of laundry a day. I knew Jesus was jealous for me, but I also knew He gave me a house full of children to care for. Time and time again the wisdom coming from the church was, “Well, you’re just going to have to make time,” which left me with a cloak of guilt as I poured my coffee at 7:30 after being kept up by a nursing, wiggling toddler in my bed all night. And, let’s not forget how it feels to see the mom on Facebook with a snapshot of her highlighted Bible (#timewithJesus) while you were still deep in your pillow.

Oh, I have had it out with God over this.

 “You gave me all these children, told me to homeschool them, and I am a mess of a person! I'm not a morning person! I AM NOT A DISCIPLINED PERSON.” 

And, over the years, after having more children, my rant has not changed, but I’ve realized that while I’m not a disciplined person, I am an in process person, and God knows this about me. And, He knows this about you, too!

Here is where I have landed:

Two years ago I was writing another schedule, trying with all my heart to make time for myself, and make time for Jesus. I felt guilty that I gave myself an hour, and I gave Jesus thirty minutes. I heard the word, “Compartmentalize.” I was like, “What does that mean?” I had a vision of a schedule, and there were blocks of time squared out and color-coded, kind of like Google calendar. I saw all the things I usually schedule, like laundry and schooling, and yes, my twice-a-week shower. I heard Him say, “I’m in every box. You don’t need to give me one.” So, that revelation radically changed how I approached spending time with Jesus. I began to wake up and acknowledge Him, do the dishes and open my spirit to what He was speaking, drive to HEB and make sure He knew how much I resented the parking situation at 4:30. And, there He was, in every box.

I began to see my day outside of schedules, which is just not my thing, to a series of choices that I made from the time I woke up to the time I settled down for the night. I found myself standing in front of the stack of dishes thinking, “What I really should be doing is sitting on the floor with my kids.” And, Jesus would say, “Then, do that.” I found that surveying all the things that had to be done and choosing something felt right. I felt good about myself when I made good decisions….and then I continued to make them. Now, sometimes I do put on Magic School Bus for the kids because it’s 10:00 and I choose to take a shower….and at 11:00 I’m still in the bathroom like, “Crap, they’re still watching TV, and I’m hiding from them.” So, I survey what needs to be done. The TV needs to be turned off. That’s my first choice. I need to make them lunch. That’s my second choice. Now, here’s the harder choice to make: Sit at the table with them and eat lunch, or fix my lunch and disappear to my room for 20 minutes? Ah, choices are powerful!! You know what I’ve found? Either choice I make, I’m still a good mom. If I choose to eat in my room, I just need to choose to see them at a later time.

Now, back to spending time with Jesus and how that fits in. Here’s what works for me:

1) Listen to Seeds Family Worship.

I absolutely love Seeds Family Worship. If you aren’t familiar with them, they are a family that puts scripture to really fun, easy to memorize music. It’s so different from sitting at the table reading my Bible, but it reminds me who God is, and who I am to Him.Their albums are on Spotify and Youtube. 

2) Tape a list of my identity somewhere I see it every day.

If you’ve been to my house, you’ve seen my “Father’s Love Letter” taped to my cabinets. I also have a list of “Who I am in Christ” on my other cabinet. Is it tacky to have tattered paper taped to my cabinets? Sure. But, it kind of goes with my style, if you haven’t already figured that out. Do I read them everyday? No. But I read them about 3 times a week, and it’s just another way I stay plugged into scripture and what God says about me.

3). Stay in the same scripture.

I struggled with guilt for a long time about reading my Bible daily. I read it to check off my list, not to connect with God. In the last year, what I have found works for me is to have one scripture that I go back to every day. One scripture that speaks to me (2-3 verses) and I try to read it over again once a day. What that does is 1) helps me to memorize it, and 2) helps me to see different angles. I love how rich scripture is, how as you read it, layer upon layer exposes itself. When I read the same scripture everyday for a week, it helps me to uncover those layers. Different words stand out to me each day. Usually I’ll circle any words that have significance and then if I have time to journal in the week (which is my favorite thing to do with God), I will go back to my familiar scripture and just write what I feel like God was trying to show me. Some of the most significant words or phrases to me are “If” or “Then,” or “Not only that”.

4) Write letters to yourself.

I started doing this at Bethel, and it is my favorite way to hear from God. This does require some discipline, but seriously, we’re talking like 30 minutes once a month. I steal away to a quiet room, or my car, and I ask Jesus to write a letter to me. Sometimes He speaks so fast and so detailed, my hand can’t keep up. I tell him, “You’re gonna have to slow down!!!” It’s so funny that when I’m doing the dishes, this doesn’t happen. But, when it comes time to write myself a letter, the words come pouring into my spirit! I have all kinds of letters stashed around, in my journal, in my Bible, in books on my nightstand. I probably should value them more since they are words from Jesus, but it’s kind of fun finding them at random. So, try it out!

5) Read a book.

I know, you’re a mom, and you don’t have time to read the Bible, how do you have time to read a book?? Well, to me, the Bible requires a quieting of my spirit, which is half the battle in a crazy house. I usually read one book a month. Jonathan Welton, an expert Bible teacher, says that reading books to help you understand the Bible is as important as reading the Bible. Personally, I love stories. I love people. Sometimes being a busy mom disconnects me from people in a big way, a painful way, but I accept that my season here is brief and my calling immense, so I read people’s stories. I love fiction, but more than anything, I love a good missionary or revivalist story. I eat up revival history. I highly recommend God’s Generals series. I guarantee they will change their life. I’m on my third read-through. I love The Heavenly Man. WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. All of Heidi Baker’s books. I just read Godrunner by Will Hart. It was so fun to read his journey. I love Darren Wilson’s books. Brian Simmons. I love equipping books by Beni and Bill Johnson, Kris Vallotton, and oh my goodness, Steve and Wendi Backlund have changed our lives!! However, my favorite books are stories of people who, against all odds, live out the message of their lives.

It’s okay if it takes you 6 months to read one book. Just have one by your bed….just in case you get the flu or something and have some time on your hands (not funny, I know).

God has not thrown you to the wolves by giving you a pile of children and asking for your time. No, He’s given you the gift of the Holy Spirit so in the middle of a rigid schedule (I envy you, Type A people!) or just a wad of time that you’re trying to piece together into something productive one choice at a time, He’s there. And, pursuing Him and knowing Him is the greatest choice any of us can make with our days.