Sonora Grace is one!

The day I learned that I would birth a baby girl into the world was a glorious one. Daddy and Mommy cried on that day. I remember speaking out verses over her, as well as clichés that I hoped she would hear and understand, “You are a gentle sweat heart,” I would say. “Like a Lily among thorns is my darling…Sonora Grace,” I painted in script on a picture frame waiting for her angelic face to fill it. She was an angel that we were waiting to cuddle, kiss, and coax into a life of being Mommy’s princess and Daddy’s little girl. But Sonora Grace has exceeded our expectations as a precious angel, and continues to throw us a curve ball every day.


I sometimes feel guilty when I talk about her to others, and I do want to explain myself. Much of the time I say things out of frustration because Sonora Grace is not a “gentle sweetheart,” she is a fighter. Whenever the Fort Hood attacks in Texas happened, I remember sitting on the couch staring into the TV and weeping. I rested my hand on my pregnant belly and stroked, what am I going to do? I wondered how on earth I was going to bring a precious, sensitive young lady into a world full of evil. I thought about how selfish I was to want a little girl in a world made for men, made for people much stronger than I. I could barely survive the news of the attacks, how was I going to raise a baby in the midst of chaos? My greatest hope was that Jesus would come soon. That is still my greatest hope. I found myself crying out to God for an answer and felt the Lord gently reassuring me that Sonora Grace could be part of the answer, would be part of the fight to shine truth into radical hate. Then I was really scared. “No, no, no, not my lily, not my princess!” But I could see that God had made up His mind, and the kicking started. No flutters as I had once described Jake’s legs brushing my sides. Wham! All of the time. “She is so gentle,” I lied. Her due date was May 15th. My family, God bless them, are very superstitious and the rule went, “she can come on any day but the 13th! The 13th, a day with more than superstitious reasoning on its side (my family has had numerous bad luck on the 13th of different months, it continues to justify their superstition!) is her birthday. God’s sense of humor, I guess although I think if Sonora could have picked a date, she would’ve have picked something that was opposed!

I’ve made so many mistakes with her, letting her walk all over me. When I reach to change her and she screams I yank my hand away like she’s a rattle snake. When she casually rips my shirt down, I nurse her. I pray for wisdom already for how on earth I’m supposed to raise her. Not only is she incredibly strong, but she clearly has Daddy’s flare for intelligence. Of course, every parent thinks their child is brilliant, but Sonora Grace is very analytical. She will do almost anything she see’s Jake doing. (it’s kind of nice after having a son that’s always a little behind every one else, no offense Jake!). She colors, plays a drum, knows some baby “signs, “ and will even attempt counting! I’ve considered looking into potty training in a couple of months not only because I think she’ll get it, but because changing her diaper is a battle in itself. I feel like everything is a battle with her sometimes. Paul and I talk about the strange dynamic of Sonora Grace, someone so sensitive that saying, “aaaaant!” at her before she’s about to dig into Rush’s water bowl will make her cry like she’s been hit. Yet, she’ll put up a fight. Sensitive and fearless, yes, God is going to use her mightily.

It’s what I prayed for honestly, a girl that would get it right. Not to put myself down because I feel like much of my early life was dictated by the enemy’s hold on me and I wanted a daughter who would be anything but like me. I feel very ineffective because of my insecurities, because I never fight, and I can be easily swayed one way or the other. Well, I got my wish and although she is not the “prissy” daughter that I thought I would surely get, she is who God made her to be and she is so special, so extra-ordinary and I love her. I love her so much, and I feel helpless without the Lord when it comes to raising her. I know that to some it will sound strange that my tiny one year old, I’m prepared to watch her walk out the door and take on the world. But I know what she was created for, my little world changer, Sonora Grace.

Sonora, you are a lily among thorns, because you are different. Even now, you play by your own rules and I love every second of it. I cannot wait to see how God uses you, I humbly submit to what He has for you because so far, all of my expectations have been blown out of the water. That’s ok. You are exactly who God made you to be, and I love you. I love how you lean in for a kiss, your mouth wide open so my squeaky pucker can echo in your mouth, and you giggle. I love how you wave goodbye every time I tell someone goodbye on the telephone. Believe it or not, I love when you climb my leg, and how you nuzzle my chest, and how you wrap your legs around me and relax at the sound of my heartbeat. And after I get through training you up, I know that you are going to teach me a thing or two. You have all of the makings of a leader, a warrior, and yet, a lady. We named you Sonora because www.babynames.com said that it meant “harmonious sound.” How appropriate for the gentle, sweetheart that I was preparing for! Upon meeting a woman who speaks fluent Spanish she racked her brain for the real meaning and said she understood it to mean, “loud.” Sigh, it suits you, my dear. Believe me though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Happy 1st birthday!