I love my sewing machine. It’s true, hands down the best gift ever. The worst part about the sewing machine is that it was just another attempt to maybe be normal. It’s an endless quest, I’ve found. I never have anything in common with anyone. But sewing was something that every one seemed to be doing. So I tried it and surprisingly, I fell in love.
Unfortunately, like most girly things that I do, I’m not talented at it. I have talents, ok, I’m not totally putting myself down here. I just don’t seem to have typical talents and I don’t always enjoy my talents. I was MVP long distance in track in high school, but I hated it. I rode horses for years and certainly enjoyed the competition and I love horses, but I was never going to be the girl to major in equine management and go on to run a barn. Sorry to all of the barn moms that saw this in my future. When I was in high school, I opted out of running cross country my senior year so that I could play tennis. I never got to play outside of exhibition. I literally wasted my time going to practice after practice to never play, and I won’t even mention how many points I was away from earning a letter for my jacket. In fact, I would have been MVP of the women’s cross country team had a I run, but instead I played tennis.
I have regrets about it sometimes. All I know is that I loved tennis. All I know is that I love sewing. When I wake up to this…
And finish my day with this…
I feel so accomplished.
Sewing is teaching me a lot right now about who I am, and the way I operate, and the kinds of things that are holding me back. In sewing, you don’t really have to be intuitively creative. Or I wouldn’t sew. There are enough online ideas that think for me. You don’t have to be smart to sew, the instructions are pretty clear (although I won’t even share my initial threading error when I began to sew…let’s just say that for the first three months I wasn’t even sewing). I've been convinced for a long time that being creative and smart will make me a good person, a good mom.
What I am getting at is that the one thing that separates a good sewing project from a bad one is neatness. For me, neatness is determined by time. I am not naturally neat. I am a fast paced project completer, ergo sloppy. I hate taking my time and it shows in every hem that veers off more and more until I’m sure you get the picture. Each time I rush a project, skip ironing and pinning and the like I realize that I wasted fabric and worst of all, time. I wrote in my last blog that the Lord has really been speaking to me about adding peace to my life. I need some peace. A lot of times I bypass peace because I refuse to slow down. And it’s funny because the more I sew the more I want to sew…difficult things. I want to quilt. I want to sit down with a needle and thread and create. And I can’t expect it to happen in an hour. I can’t expect to be talented at all of this in a couple of months. And maybe that’s the thing about sewing that has so impacted me. I won't even finish a board game if I think I'm going to lose halfway through. I don’t like losing and I especially do not like to be "bad" at something. It’s probably the vulnerability of it all and pride. But I like to sew and I don’t want to stop.
I feel like I keep telling the Lord, “I can’t do this, I’m just not neat enough,” (Jesus knows all of my sewing woes!), and I just hear Him telling me to slow down, and to wait, and to pay attention to what I’m doing. I am fighting condemnation in my head, “You are so terrible at this, why do you even bother to sew when you are so awful? Go to Etsy.com so you can see how talented all of these other moms are. What a waste of time!” Stupid enemy.
I sew because I love to sew. And even if I’m never any good, I’m learning to slow down, and anything that holds that kind of power over ME deserves to stick around.
Summer, my grandmother taught me how to sew when I was just a little girl but I still struggle with the 'neatness' aspect of it. The important part is, you love it. Hang on to that! I am in the midst of making two quilts for my friends children, quilts that feel like they will NEVER get done because I just don't have the space to set my station back up right now but I digress, they are pinwheel quilts and let me tell you something....almost none of the blocks line up correctly, the center blocks with their initials are both crooked, laughibly so. But let me tell you something about sewing that I think is the most important part, those kiddos aren't going to see the errors, they will see their own quilts from 'Aunt Stacey'. Jake and Sonora will see the same thing decades from now when they look at those curtains and tell their spouse or children that Mom made those. It is a wonderful thing you are doing, truly! The patience is the hardest part (but really, iron your seams, it makes the difference in the end lol).
ReplyDeleteIt won't take long before you get into making quilts and here's the neat part...when you do, you can make one out of your little girls baby dresses. Things like that are heirlooms and treasured, I still sleep under a quilt my grandmother made me, still use the pillowcases she helped me make one boring day. Don't fret about not being perfect, you are the only one who will ever notice. :)
You inspire me Summer. Someday I will safe up and purchase a sewing machine. Woman of God and ambitious about chasing your dreams. This is good.
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