Why I am not so popular anymore.

The other day I had the pleasure of spending time with one of my spiritual mothers. We were mingling with others and she sat down next to me and said nonchalantly, “You are just the sweetest girl I know.” I looked over my left shoulder to verify the fact that I was the last one seated on the couch, “Who? Me?”
“Sure, why not?” 
“Hmm. I guess I’ve heard that enough in my life.”
“Oh yeah, my husband sees you all the time and says, ‘there goes sweet summer, she’s so nice to everyone.” 
Huh. “Thanks then, I guess"
      So for the most part, I am a nice person. And on top of that, I tend to be overly sensitive and possess a zero degree backbone. If you know me, you’ve probably never seen me angry. This has been on my mind lately because I have found that over the course of the last two years I have picked up some enemies. And it has been really damaging to my spirit because ok, we’ve affirmed, I’m basically a nice person. And even though it generally comes naturally I enjoy the perks of not really having people dislike me. I’ve been thinking about why I would have enemies, and how all of this kind of happened recently.

     First of all, my enemies would probably toss around such words to describe me as hypocrite, liar, cheater, naïve, immature, and ignorant among other derogatory terms…and when I reflected upon some of these words, honestly my first reaction was to think that all of these people who do not like me are probably right. Because if you ask me, whether I am nice or not, I have come to discover that I am rather imperfect. In my opinion, the Lord is renewing me day by day and some of these things which might have been more frequent in past years are starting to disintegrate. Thank you, Lord. But sin is ever present in my life, maybe not frequent, but noticeable. And I know that because I am at a war with it. I think that when I am pinpointing the difference between a Christian and a so-called Christian it really comes down to one’s idea of sin and the place it has in a life. I hate it because I can physically feel, spiritually perceive that it has pulled me away from my Father and I cannot live like that. So while I am a sinful person, and I am going to cause hurt in people’s lives, all I can do is offer up my apologies when I fall short and ask God to refine me a bit more. Pleeeease God!

     The other reason I have enemies is because I love God. That’s all there is to it. I have an opinion about something that pretty much encompasses my entire life: the way I raise my children, the way I spend my money, the way I go throughout my day, the way I plan vacation even! In my opinion, nothing should go without His opinion. When something comes against my solid foundation, I have learned not to tuck my head between my legs and weep. I’ve wanted to, yes, but I cannot let these things in life that God has called me to, to go questioned. Or to be mocked. Not as long as I have breath in my body. So I have enemies. I have enemies in my own family, friends that no longer speak to me, strangers that in passing saw something I posted on facebook and assumed I am a self righteous snob. But I have gotten to a point that the only thing that matters is God’s opinion of me, and how well I am living out His will in my life. And if that steps on some toes despite my best attempts to be loving, then I'm getting a glimpse of a little warning that Jesus gave: "the world will hate you."

     One serious qualm that I have with scriptures is that just as soon as I want to pray some evil plan of justice on one of my enemies I remember that Jesus would have no such thing. And I’m going to expose right here how not-nice I am because I usually sit in that place for five minutes. I want to curse them…no, no, no, I want to bless them. But they don’t deserve it!! No, no, no, I bless them. *deep breath* I BLESS THEM! And it nearly breaks me in two. It’s not easy. But justice belongs to God and in that place of wishing He’d unleash it imminently I remember that just like He loves me, He loves my enemies. He loves them, they are unworthy. He loves me, so am I. What’s the difference?

     And it really comes down to me just trusting Him. That is my life right now, learning to trust in God. I am extremely far from where I would like to be, but every time I get a little bit closer I am grateful, and I want more.

     Some of my “enemies” have come to be so because they see the radical nature of my life with Paul and disapprove. Right off, we don’t really care about money. We try not to care about things. My Mom informed me of a recent conversation she passed on facebook of the upper elite class discussing their great wealth. “Well, I worked hard and God wants me to be happy and have a $700 pocket book because I wanted it.”

     That’s fine. I don’t care, and I don’t even pretend that I know what God is thinking. That may absolutely be a true statement. Especially since I am incredibly, overwhelmingly wealthy just not in material things. Not wealthy in the worldly sense. And God keeps giving us more territory and we just receive it, whatever He’ll entrust to us. And so far, it hasn’t been stuff, it hasn’t been things. I don’t know why. But relationships with broken people, and opportunities to speak at church, or for me to speak at high schools, or to minister to a scared pregnant girl at the pregnancy center, or for us to have more children to steward into the Kingdom. And the more I think about it, that is all we have asked of Him. And He has been so generous.

      So when I hear that we don’t have money for more children, or time, or my body won’t be up to the job, or my children will suffer for our decision, I just remember that God is in control. I trust Him. And if people don’t like me for it, or disagree with me, Ok. I keep my eyes on Him. His promises. And I remember the riches of His great love.

What else is there?