I have not blogged in quite some time, and I miss it. I need a nap, but I really need to write. It comes with the territory of being creative- either I do it, or I am changing diapers, doing laundry, washing dishes with thoughts just swirling around my mind in a violent unrest. With that being said, here I am. Typing away, in a daze and already way past my coffee limit for the day!
We started home schooling two days ago and I have actually really been enjoying myself. Paul gave me a swift pat on the back this morning and announced, “Look, you’re a teacher.” I guess I am, after all. I committed to doing this before my kids could even walk. I wanted to teach. I keep seeing adorable Pinterest inspired first day pictures and I wonder if I’m crazy as we all sit around the dining room table, trying not to notice dried cereal and last night’s dinner crusted about. One of the primary reasons I wanted to do this is because I want to minister to my children as much as possible. Yes, they would get this at a Christian Pre-school. I know that, and sometimes I prefer that. I tell myself that a teacher would do a much better job than I am at preparing my children. I am utterly helpless, honestly. That’s why I want to do this though. I want to be in an environment where I am free to fail, and they are too. One of the main components of our day is getting to know God. I put on the IHOP live stream this morning, and we listened and watched while tracing letters. There was such a peace in my heart as I watched my kids listening, and engaging in their own activities. Yes, this is what I want.
I also wanted my kids to memorize scripture. I have a freakishly good memory. However, scripture whoops me. If I want to remember something, I write it out over and over and let the words sort of travel down my arm until they seep into my brain tissue. Maybe it even burns through my retina as I stare down at my page. It works for me, and I knew I could recreate this with my kids. When they were younger, I would tell them a short verse and light a candle. When they recited the verse, they could blow the candle out. Now they are older...no more candles. I chose a scripture to work on this week and found an adorable, spunky you tube video that sang the verse repeatedly. We listened to it 3 times the first day of our school. When the kids were playing later on that day, I blasted the song in the living room. Our verse this week is Phillipians 4:6-7, “Don’t be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” That was from memory right there! I decided to ask my kids if they even knew what they were reciting. That was a mistake. Jake said, “anxious is what you feel when a bad guy gets away.” Then I asked them what transcends means, and Jake said, “transcends is what you feel when a bad guy gets away.” See? I got no where. I realized something non-religious and it made me very uncomfortable. Scripture isn’t enough.
It took a lot to swallow that. I continued like a drill sergeant, “repeat after me: Don’t be anxious.” Their voices echoed through the dining room. Then I asked them to try to do the first part of the scripture by themselves. I received nothing short of the deer in headlights look.
CHILDREN, I JUST TOLD YOU!!!! DON’T BE ANXIOUS!!!
Those little eyes just continued to stare through me and I made a split second decision to not have my kids memorize scripture this year. It’s pointless. It’s as pointless as me writing a scripture over and over again in a notebook just so I can say it back to myself. The heart behind scripture is what I really need. The meat is what will nourish my soul. Here is what we did instead, we concocted a little "God recipe." It felt so wrong, because I want my kids to know scripture. I feel proud when they can recite a verse. All pride aside, what really makes sense?
I said to them, Do you guys ever get scared? They both agreed that the window next to their bed is really creepy…for whatever reason. So I told them that next time they feel scared about anything, they need to pray. They need to thank God for what He is doing in our family, for his protection and faithfulness. Then, we can rest in lots of peace.
When you’re scared, pray. Thank God. He gives you peace.
I told them about Paul too, that he was a messenger for Christ. He used to be a murderer until God encountered him. I told them that Philippians was actually a letter written by Paul and he sent it to a church.
I’ve known Philippians 4:13 my entire life, the scripture and the verse. No one ever told me that Paul wrote it. No one ever told me that it was addressed to a specific church. I thought Paul wrote it for the Bible to be put together or something…I think I believed this in my early 20’s. The story in itself is so beautiful, and I never knew the history. It took me years before I learned the heart. Even now as I quote scripture to someone, I will fumble with the reference. After sitting with my kids and talking about what Phillipians 4:6-7 really meant, it was like a feather that floated down gracefully into my spirit. It was so simple. Not just words, but a real solution to life’s problems.
I love the Bible, and there is a place for memorizing scripture in my own life. To do it out of duty is what I am negating. To get it in my head and not in my spirit, that is where I say "no more."
Phillipians 4:6-7 tells us that when we’re afraid, it's time to pray and thank God. Then, receive His peace, LOTS of it.
I think my kids finally got it.
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