Do Hard Stuff

      Several days ago I was teaching Jake a new letter of the alphabet. Everyday we learn a letter and I design some accompanying activity to ensure they go outside.

Day 1: “Today, we learn ‘O.’ It spells OUTSIDE. Now go outside.”
Day 2: “Today, we learn ‘D.’ It spells DIRT, which is outside.”
Day 3: “Today we learn ‘H.’ It spells HEDGEHOG, which is an animal that lives outside, in the dirt. Now go outside.”

By  now, you have caught onto my scheme. I’m not sure how I gave birth to such “indoorsy” munchkins, but I want them to experience the great outdoors like I did as a child. Surely I’m not the only parent raising children in a technology charged culture, reminiscing about how much simpler my life was! Anyway, I am a fan of the outdoors and I plan on training my children to follow in my stead. I don’t make them go outside, I inspire them to go outside. See?

The other day Jake was learning the letter ‘S.’ He couldn’t quite get it- which is ok, I’ve decided not to fret if he cannot write a letter, it’s more important he gets the sound down. But we still trace and try. He dropped his head onto the table and sighed, “this is really hard.” I’m not sure where this came from, but I intentionally got down on his level and stared into his soul, “Jake, I know it’s hard. The good news is, you can do really hard stuff.” I realize that there is a book called “Do Hard Stuff” written for teenagers, and I’ve never read it. I, however, love the concept. Once it spilled out of my mouth, I have found myself speaking it over my kids almost every day. I encourage myself with it as I attempt to scale a Mt. Everest of laundry, “Summer, you can do hard stuff.”

Just yesterday I was reading another mom’s blog where she poured out her heart. She was having a bad day, week, month, year and it was all because parenting children is HARD. I totally get it. I read those blogs and smile because I know I am not alone. On the other hand, since I’ve been telling myself that I can do hard stuff, the blog tempted me to feel sorry for myself in my weakness. I saw all the comments telling this mom that they felt the same way, “AMEN!” The only solutions she posed were to have quiet time with God every day. I’m sorry, I guess I get the "Bad-Christian-Mom-of-the-Year" award because that is not my goal. That doesn’t mean I don’t pray, or pick up my Bible before I homeschool….but I don’t plan ANYTHING for my day, except to maybe get dressed, feed my kids three meals, teach them how to say and write one letter from the alphabet, and pray with them. My whole day eventually adds up to that. My point is, parenting is hard.

     But, so what? You were made to do hard stuff. That is why Jesus died to send us the Holy Spirit, who is also called “helper.” He also teaches us things, like how to parent. I really believe that as parents, we have what we need to get through the day. Just what we need to get through- sometimes an abundance, sometimes nothing more. Living on the edge of having your needs met or falling just below and being desolate is hard. It’s scary. BUT, we can do it. The more you succeed in walking that line and looking to Heaven and knowing that you will be ok, the easier it gets. When you are trudging through a season that is heavily taxing, keep trudging with a mission. Those seasons have fruit. If you have a season where you have been heavily investing, you will have a harvest. You will probably have another task you are working on, but you won’t be potty training forever. You won’t be training your kids to behave in a store forever. Just because your 4 year old is a “biter” doesn’t mean your 6 year old will be a biter. It will end.

I hold a baby 75% of the day, and “touched out” is an understatement. I have a child with physical touch as a love language, and another as quality time. I will intentionally “fill their love tank,” and an hour later, they are hanging on me like little monkeys. This has been my latest battle. Sometimes I wishtand all the touching because they need me, and sometimes I teach boundaries. Like as I write this blog, I have wiped a toddler's poop, and wiped two pee-pees. I, however, am not getting up to fix a snack for them right now. 15 more minutes children! It’s hard. But, I can do hard stuff. I also have a strong-willed daughter, you can read about her here. Doing battle requires a certain level of discernment and I usually lean towards avoidance. Sometimes I need to engage and I really don’t want to. Just last night she had a tantrum and I hauled her to her room with the charge that she could come out when she wasn’t screaming. It was hard to stop what I was doing [making dinner] and handle her, but I can do hard stuff. I have the Holy Spirit.

I really want to encourage moms to start believing that you have what you need to do this well. This job of raising young ones is intensive, but isn’t there something in the Bible about His grace being perfected in our weakness? I have to say, that is the story of my life! It has even helped me move from a rehearsed mantra of “I can do hard stuff,” to “God, I want to do hard stuff. What else do you have for me? Another baby? Another move? An identity crisis? A sibling battle? Bring it on!”

I don't know who you are, but you will be ok. You will taste the fruit of this season of sowing. This lifelong mission of sowing into your children. And when you do, you will sit back with the sweetness and be glad that you took the risk to engage in something really difficult and succeeded. You can do it!

Their Real Worth

 
     Last week, I backed myself into a corner. I do it all the time. My kids each have one diaper left per each of them and that means…that means…oh, I can hardly bear to say it.


Wal-mart.

It’s time to go to Wal-mart. I hate that place. It’s not just Wal-mart, it’s Costco too. And every other store that challenges me to my core. I have to be very intentional about sorting through needs and wants, while trying my darndest to stick to a list. Last week, I had to get the kids diapers, wipes, and do some grocery shopping. Per our budget, I usually jump around to a couple stores before my shopping is finished, but I try to knock out certain staples at Wal-mart. This last week my husband came along to help shepherd the children, and in typical husband fashion, he played my conscience, “Do you need that? Why are you getting that? Do you usually get that?”  We were in the check out line and as the prices of certain items appeared in neon green on a screen, I cringed. I usually don’t think like this, but in a moment of weakness I thought it,

Having kids is so freaking expensive.

I mean, we bought diapers, wipes, fifty million snacks to get us through the week, new panties for Sonora because hers get eaten [lost] in the laundry, and a new cup for the baby since I left hers at church, and now we’re getting into the $100 range. It’s enough to make any budgeting family clench their jaws real hard and wonder how we do this every month and survive. It’s enough to remind me what all I had to say ‘no’ to.
It must have been the Holy Spirit in me because I was having a total flesh centered moment here as the screen added up our purchases. I looked at my kids and heard this, “Considering their worth, they really don’t cost you that much.” 
I put the brakes on in my mind to chew on that.
        The prices we pay for stuff are based on their value. Nice house, functioning vehicle, food, diamond ring- everything has worth and a price to match. When I saw my kids with a price tag next to them (which is what I was doing by complaining about what they cost me), it was really fast that I began to wipe that notion from my mind.

The truth is, children do cost money. They are not free to raise, even with help from the government [just to ward off any snide comments]. I am especially blessed because I belong to a very generous family that purchases a good portion of my children’s clothes, and gifts for holidays. And still, my kids cost me...because you have to calculate babysitters, and take-out on the days that I just couldn't get dinner done! Hold on though, my children are worth it. In fact, you can have anything of mine, anything material if I had to give it, but I would never want to part with my children. Isn’t it ironic? I complain about what my children cost me because I have to sacrifice things of lesser worth to afford them. The heart issue here is that I take my children for granted. I don’t stop to realize what they are really worth to me, or worth to God.

      Our culture (even some churches) places so little value on children, and you know why? Because their parents do. It starts there. Parents do not invest the time into disciplining and molding their children [because they aren’t worth the time] and then we have a generation of little terrors, that understandably, others are hesitant to spend time with. It really makes me sad that even though I was valued by my parents, I still bought into the lie that overall, children are not worth that much. They’re a dime a dozen. People keep having them. They can’t afford them [or can they? They just choose to spend their money on other things].  Now they are the government's "problem." And we just know how much people LOVE paying taxes that will eventually pay for other people's children!

The truth is, considering the value and worth my children hold, they are inexpensive. They cost me little. If their lives were in danger, I would sell everything to care for them. That’s just talking about their value when held up against a monetary system. The Bible says our children are our protection. The Bible says our children are a defense against the enemy. The Bible says I have no chance of understanding God’s kingdom without watching my children and behaving out of the same innocence they possess. The Bible says that one of the harshest punishments that will be doled out is on those who lead children astray.

I think one of the grievous things that parents [and society] can do to lead children astray is to let them know they are not worth what they cost. What a horrible lie. I’m so glad God caught me that day, pitying myself as I meditated on a lie that has penetrated our society to its core. The problem is not the children, it is so far from the children….it is selfishness, entitlement, and zero self-control. These things though, they are just fillers. These are just things people have taken on, demons society has established to bandage up the problems of rejection and of course, low self-worth. God help me if I ever look at my children again and think they cost too much.

Thirty Years Later

       When I met my husband, he was 24 years old. That is just adorable, I think. He was so young, and what a hunk! I was 21 years old. Now, we are almost 6 years into knowing one another and we are nothing like our early twenties selves. Thank God, right? Here we are then: 

And now, 

Man, my guy ages well!

My husband, Paul, has been through a difficult year. His parents were killed in a car accident in November, and though we all felt the sting on a personal level, I have watched my husband’s journey in the front row. He has been an unwavering pillar of strength for me and our children. There were many times that he held me together, though he was the one who lost his parents. In the past couple of months we found ourselves in the darkest pit of our lives, without our most encouraging friend- his mother! Any of you who knew his mom, you KNOW we lost a great lady. Several months ago Paul told me that he wishes I could encourage him like his mother did. I seriously wish I could too. I wish I could see the good in everything, and praise the outcome of a trial before I even saw it. I wish I could make a big deal of even the smallest thing God was doing, instead of being weighted beneath a burden. She was really good with words and my husband loves being complimented, so the two of them were just a match made in love language heaven.
I have tried to encourage him with, “you know…they say sons marry women like their mothers!” but the truth is, aside from liking really cheesy movies and books, I’m not nearly as jubilant, joyful, and encouraging as she was. Still, in her stead I want to say that Paul, you are doing a really good job. You have handled this past year like a champion. You are my champion. You are strong, courageous, full of wisdom and truth. You are loyal, trustworthy and my favorite thing about you is how much you CARE. Your heart is so big, and I am grateful for the man you are, and the man you are becoming.
There, that was my heart. I have to be intentional to say that, I know. I hope this isn’t strange but sometimes when I’m really sad, I remember the life and light your mom brought to me. I read the messages she wrote to you, and to me, and look over pictures repeatedly. I decided to go back on facebook and see what she had written you on your birthday and copy it down. So here it is: three facebook posts from the past three years on your birthday, put together and reordered into a letter. NOTHING was added to this, NOTHING was taken away (not even an exclamation point or five!). I can’t be her, and I can’t bring her back, but I just remember…I do my best to remember what she meant to you, and how much you meant to her (and your Dad). It gives me hope, it gives me peace, and it makes me love you more. It makes me love not just my beautiful husband with dreams and aspirations for the next season of our lives, but to love her son. Her son, whom she believed with all of her heart would change the world. I agree with her, by the way.


     To My Beautiful Boy,
Although you are a man, to this mama I will always see that beautiful boy God gave me the day you were born. I so love the man, husband, father you have become. But most of all I am so blessed by the man of God you are!! No two parents could be more blessed than we are to have a son seeking God's own heart in order to serve Him the best!! We are so, so blessed by the man you have become. We love you so much!! We love you!! Although we miss you terribly, we know that you are exactly where you are suppose to be!  And we are so thankful that you have found such JOY in the place HE has called you to. Blessings, my darling son. And may you CHOOSE to SEE Him in ALL that you do! May you continue to SEE Him in all that you do!! Happy Birthday Son!! Happy Birthday son. I hope you have a wonderful day. And may you continually seek your Heavenly Father's heart!!
I love you, Mom