Thirty Years Later

       When I met my husband, he was 24 years old. That is just adorable, I think. He was so young, and what a hunk! I was 21 years old. Now, we are almost 6 years into knowing one another and we are nothing like our early twenties selves. Thank God, right? Here we are then: 

And now, 

Man, my guy ages well!

My husband, Paul, has been through a difficult year. His parents were killed in a car accident in November, and though we all felt the sting on a personal level, I have watched my husband’s journey in the front row. He has been an unwavering pillar of strength for me and our children. There were many times that he held me together, though he was the one who lost his parents. In the past couple of months we found ourselves in the darkest pit of our lives, without our most encouraging friend- his mother! Any of you who knew his mom, you KNOW we lost a great lady. Several months ago Paul told me that he wishes I could encourage him like his mother did. I seriously wish I could too. I wish I could see the good in everything, and praise the outcome of a trial before I even saw it. I wish I could make a big deal of even the smallest thing God was doing, instead of being weighted beneath a burden. She was really good with words and my husband loves being complimented, so the two of them were just a match made in love language heaven.
I have tried to encourage him with, “you know…they say sons marry women like their mothers!” but the truth is, aside from liking really cheesy movies and books, I’m not nearly as jubilant, joyful, and encouraging as she was. Still, in her stead I want to say that Paul, you are doing a really good job. You have handled this past year like a champion. You are my champion. You are strong, courageous, full of wisdom and truth. You are loyal, trustworthy and my favorite thing about you is how much you CARE. Your heart is so big, and I am grateful for the man you are, and the man you are becoming.
There, that was my heart. I have to be intentional to say that, I know. I hope this isn’t strange but sometimes when I’m really sad, I remember the life and light your mom brought to me. I read the messages she wrote to you, and to me, and look over pictures repeatedly. I decided to go back on facebook and see what she had written you on your birthday and copy it down. So here it is: three facebook posts from the past three years on your birthday, put together and reordered into a letter. NOTHING was added to this, NOTHING was taken away (not even an exclamation point or five!). I can’t be her, and I can’t bring her back, but I just remember…I do my best to remember what she meant to you, and how much you meant to her (and your Dad). It gives me hope, it gives me peace, and it makes me love you more. It makes me love not just my beautiful husband with dreams and aspirations for the next season of our lives, but to love her son. Her son, whom she believed with all of her heart would change the world. I agree with her, by the way.


     To My Beautiful Boy,
Although you are a man, to this mama I will always see that beautiful boy God gave me the day you were born. I so love the man, husband, father you have become. But most of all I am so blessed by the man of God you are!! No two parents could be more blessed than we are to have a son seeking God's own heart in order to serve Him the best!! We are so, so blessed by the man you have become. We love you so much!! We love you!! Although we miss you terribly, we know that you are exactly where you are suppose to be!  And we are so thankful that you have found such JOY in the place HE has called you to. Blessings, my darling son. And may you CHOOSE to SEE Him in ALL that you do! May you continue to SEE Him in all that you do!! Happy Birthday Son!! Happy Birthday son. I hope you have a wonderful day. And may you continually seek your Heavenly Father's heart!!
I love you, Mom