His Extravagant Love

I am a busy mom. There is no doubt about that. Paul and I were just commenting on how we are moving into a season where parenting is easier (in that our children are more independent), but also how this season is more difficult. Somehow we have timed our children’s spacing so specifically that we have one child in the “what’s that?” phase, and the other in the “why?” phase. I answer about 75 of these questions a piece during one trip to the grocery store. If you don’t believe me, you are welcome to watch my kids the next time I go to the grocery store, and get a taste of it in your own home. Yeah, I didn’t think so…

But for some reason, despite the fact that I have been busy every since I had two children instead of one, I began to desire another baby. I hungered for one in the depths of my soul, I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. You can ask Paul, I probably spent over $100 on pregnancy tests, and we only shop at the Dollar Tree. I would ask the Holy Spirit to tell me if I was pregnant or not to save on money, but somehow I just couldn’t get away from the desire that I wanted one. January 28^th, 2012 I sat on my couch and cried. My kids were sleeping, Daddy was away doing something, and I was asking God why it wasn’t the right time for a baby. He took me to Matthew 7, the scripture about asking and receiving. And I cried because I had already asked him about 1000 times. And I didn’t even need to, He knew my heart. But nevertheless, I asked him for a baby and He said to me, “Summer, let’s get you off the battlefield first.” And it was a good word, because if you read back through my blogs from January I was a sick person. I still don’t know what was going on, but there was a nagging feeling in my spirit that I was going to die. I was battling fear over this thing that was happening in my body. I had just switched to Options Counseling at the Pregnancy Center, and the second week in January I had visited Summerville high school and spoke on the value of purity. God wasn’t kidding, I was doing more ministry than I had ever been involved in. God was giving me more and more territory. My health was shaky, and I seriously pinpoint my healing to a conference I went to where a pastor prayed against witchcraft attacking me! But I didn’t care, I wanted a baby.

I was reading Kris Vallotan’s “Supernatural Ways of Royalty” and he talks about how friendship with God sometimes means questioning God‘s words to us. He tells the story of God telling Abraham that He will destroy Sodom, and Abraham says something along the lines of, “what if there are righteous people there? You wouldn’t destroy righteous people, would you?” and the Scripture goes on to say that Abraham changed God’s mind. That is really cool, I think. Still, when I read the text I thought, “what kind of idiot would disagree with God?” Then I remembered how I ended up with this pregnancy. God told me “not just yet,” and I said, “please say yes….” As someone who believes that every single child is handcrafted by our Savior, I know that God honored my request.

Whenever Paul and I were praying for names (ok, Paul doesn’t care to have every single little detail figured out in the first few weeks, but I DO), and I couldn’t think of a name for a boy. I dreamed last year that I had a little girl named Corie. We’ve known all along she would be Corie if we had a girl. But I wanted a boy name. The Lord took me to the story of the wedding at Cana where Jesus did His first miracle. I love that story. Because when Mary tells Jesus that He should do something about the wine, He answers her, ‘You know it isn’t my time yet!” But I can see Jesus just sighing. Thinking about how much He loves us, His friends. And even though all of the wine is gone, meaning people have already had their fill, He still changes the water to wine. Jesus made the best too, even though in that culture the better wine would be served first, and the cheaper wine later so that people wouldn’t notice the inferior wine as much. Let’s remember at this point, the wine was already gone! When I read that passage considering my baby, I knew why God allowed me to get pregnant. Because it may not have been the right time, but He knew my heart. Best of all, He loves me. The whole story of the wedding at Cana, to me, represents the extravagant love of Jesus. And that is the same feeling I have about this pregnancy. God has confirmed it to me so many times, not just because I am so grateful that I get to have this baby, but because my baby was the ultrasound for the Pregnancy Center Gala, where the theme was, “Extravagant Love.” I didn’t even know that until I sat down to have my dinner!

God’s love for us is so amazing. So the news is out on face book, but let me be the first to reiterate that I am so happy to have another girl. I love having baby girls. I am the worst person in the world to have as many children as God will allow me because waiting nine months seems like eternity. I wish I had the little nugget in my arms right now! I dream of wrapping her up in a handmade receiving blanket and kissing the tip of her nose. And pressing my finger into the palm of her hand so she’ll embrace it the way every baby does. I love kissing toes and smelling fuzzy hair, and nursing a sweet little mouth. But I keep telling Jake, who asks me every day how soon we will get to meet the baby, “We just gotta get through the summer, then she’ll be here.” Then he asks what the summer is, and we talk about months of the year, seasons, then weather….ugh, it’s exhausting trying to explain a simple sentence to a four year old. But in my heart I embrace the truth. As the summer draws to a close and makes the much welcomed shift to a cooler season of changing leaves, hickory smoke tainted air from those of us who have to prepare our wood stoves, and a hint of all things pumpkin, spiced, and everything nice in the home of every homemaker that I know, something big will be changing in my home. We will be preparing to welcome a third child into our family. Corie, you are a treasure already. As much as I adore about the Fall, your arrival is by far the most anticipated!

We love you. We love you. We love you. And we praise God, the glorious creator of babies that He chose us to steward you! Thinking of you just makes me want to relish in the fullness of His extravagant love.

Just to add, I have the above mentioned conversation with God recorded in my prayer journal. Always a good idea. My prayer at the end of the entry was not, “Give me a baby or else!” No, it was, “God, I want Your will, I am willing. I trust you.” I am not particularly good at questioning God. But Kris Valloton talks about how God wouldn’t have given us a brain if He didn’t want us to be our own person, have our own wills. Part of being a Christian is having our minds renewed so we want the same things as God, but I was amazed at how many scriptures he presented about prophets who simply asked God if they could do things differently. And God was on board! Being friends with God is not about commanding Him to give us what we want. Being friends with God is about loving Him, and understanding His love for us. And being confident enough in that relationship with Him to walk in His graciousness and goodness. I hadn’t even had this revelation yet, and I am glad that I was stubborn enough to understand a piece of it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, my kids are covering my imaginary “ouchies” with stickers that are not so imaginary. That requires some concentration, I think.