My Baby is a Two Year Old!

My Mom likes to say that I was “good in school.” I guess that is partly true. I did well and I enjoyed it, for the most part. Still, there was that lingering feeling in my spirit that I wasn’t quite as smart as the really smart girls. And I desperately wanted to be. I was consistently top 15 with my GPA, second runner up for Governor’s School, contestant for “Ms. Senior,” runner up in the “Miss Mt. Pleasant Pageant,” but I could never quite get over the threshold for what it was going to take to earn those top honors. I am ok with who I am now. I have accepted it. Sort of like when I got my SAT results back and realized I missed 10 in a row. Could have happened. More than likely I skipped a row of bubbles. I have a millions stories like this. Where my brain just couldn’t cut it, not because I am dumb near as much as I am flighty. Or forgetful is a bit more flattering. Easily distracted? I don’t know, but while I did well in school, I wouldn’t call the atmosphere my “forte.” I wanted to preface with that point because being all of these things has its perks. Like when you fly across the country to visit family and realize that you forgot to have your birth control refilled. I actually sat down with pen and paper to calculate weeks, and distinctly remember deciding not to fill my birth control until I got back because I thought I had one more week of pills left, plus the placebo week. Surprise.

The week Sonora was conceived...I knew everyone would be curious ;)

I finished my placebo pills only to notice that my pack was crackly and bare. So I told Paul, who suggested that I call my pharmacy in California and have them transfer my prescription to North Carolina, to some nearby pharmacy. Did I mention we were at the beach? Not only that, but my insurance wouldn’t be accepted there so I’d have to pay out of pocket. The one time I sat down to call, I remembered I was dealing with a time difference. What a pain. I’m trying to remember what Paul said, but it was something along the lines of, “what’s the worst that could happen if we wait until we get back to California?” I hate when people say that pregnancy is the worst thing that can happen, that‘s certainly not what my husband meant! So yes, I returned home and started on my birth control. But my period didn’t come when it was time for those placebo pills. Thank the Lord Sonora Grace was meant to be and I didn’t end my pregnancy with those hormones! I thank the Lord a lot when it comes to Sonora because in every way, shape and form we look at her and know she was meant to be with us.
 

Today she is two years old. Woah. That totally blows my mind. Life with her has been a challenge, and with all great challenges come tremendous blessing I have found. So has been the case with her. She is an angelic toddler, beaming with life and joy. When she is laughing, our entire household stops to listen and watch. And then we join in because she is contagious. Just the same, when she is in a bad mood, we all know about it and feel it to the core. Our home resonates with the shriek of a malcontented child, and no one can go along merrily doing what they were doing before. Overall, she is the most charming, sweet natured, joy filled thing that I have ever known. 

When I got pregnant with Sonora Grace, we were living with Paul’s parents. We had very little to our name, and even less promise in the California economy. By all accounts, we had no business having a baby. Paul had a job, but it wasn’t a steady one in that we were never sure how many hours he would get week to week. Our next step was to find a rental, and the only way we could afford to do so was to have a very manly roommate living upstairs sharing expenses (we miss you, Uncle Christoph!). Did I mention that we had no business having a child? But that is if you are looking through a very worldly lens because the truth is, God never left our side during the process. Even through a sickly first trimester, a cold winter where I told our local clothing closet “please set aside maternity clothes for me to wear, I am freezing and my clothes don’t fit!,” and I shook Paul when I was hungry with, “we have to have more money so I can buy FOOD that I want to eat!” but we did not die. In fact, I was healthy, and after a grueling, yet short birth where I cried out, “God, why don’t you love me?” (because it was so incredibly painful)….I found relief the minute that little girl was placed in my arms.  Like birth, the news of Sonora came at a time that labor pains of life had caught up with us, threatened to topple our fragile ship into a blustery ocean, and just like when that little bundle was placed in my arms, we entered a season of relief soon after. Because God took care of us.

Paul and I live on very little income. I think most people would be surprised to know what we actually live on….in fact, I pretty much try to stay in the dark so I don’t have to hyperventilate. We made a decision about the time that Sonora was born that we were either going to put our faith in man or God. Of course, as we progressed with a pregnancy that we didn’t exactly plan the decision was sort of made for us. But we’ve stuck with it. Now, I have to say, other than occasionally worrying, I am used to this way of life. I love it. Watching Sonora as she enters into a giggle fit confirms all that I need to know: this is worth it. My ugly couch, tiny house, store brand food, sharing one vehicle as one goes on the fritz, or shouting a message at my husband out a car window as we’re driving down the road because only one of us has a cell phone and a message needs to be conveyed…it’s so worth it. Having babies even when we’re at our worst is worth it to me. It is a personal choice. I respect when others close to me choose the path of waiting so that they will be more prepared. For some reason, that path continues to slap me in the face. And I will gladly turn the other cheek because I am so addicted to this life. I am so in love with that little girl who came at a time that we probably shouldn’t have been bringing children into the world. But God knew better.

Sonora Grace, you have added more to our lives than I can even explain! I am terrified to raise you, as each time you look up at me with those bouncy curly cues, and that smile that is so big it makes your big black eyes go squinty I wonder if there is anything I will deny you! There isn’t! The Lord spoke to me a couple of months ago and said that right now my destiny is to leave a spiritual inheritance for my children. That is my highest goal in this life, to do that for you and your brother and the little one on the way. I am so blown away that at two years old you are already filled to the BRIM, absolutely overflowing with giftings from above. You are an anointed young one. I am so blown away at the sweet natured, thoughtful, smart, introspective, precious, absolutely precious little girl that you have become. Remember, “I’d rather have you than a million dollars.” And if I start to forget, just smile for me, my “goober girl,” I choose God’s economy more than the world’s any day.