Humbled

This is possible the shortest blog ever from my end. I am tired, and possible getting sick, and halfway through the third trimester with Corrie.

                             I now live in Anderson, 15 minutes outside Redding. It’s official.

The word “humbled” has been circling around our family lately. Because we would seriously not be here if it were not for our gracious church family, and more broadly, the brotherhood of believers everywhere. We went into this with not even our tuition amount in the bank account, needless to say, we couldn’t afford to move to another city! But through financial gifts, networking, and the Holy Spirit’s puzzle piece placing, we have made it. The Lord made a way, just as promised.

We couldn’t have done it without you, our friends. Thank you for watching the kids, bringing us meals, writing us checks, and going above and beyond your call (in my opinion). I just feel so unworthy.

Then we came here, and we’re back to square one and yet depending on help more than ever. Paul is working in a busier Starbucks than he is used to and being given hours far greater than he received in Sonora. Just as I was thinking how humbled I’ve been by the move, he repeated those words back to me as he walked in the door from a long shift.

The first sermon we got to attend at Bethel, Bill Johnson highlighted the difference between being poor and poor in spirit. One is being needy, and the other is being needy for God. The latter has so been the story of my life. I feel poor in spirit…I am desperate for friendship, family, a support group up here in Redding, among other things. I have realized through this move that without God none of this that we have now would be possible, and these things that I crave will not come to fruition without His hand. After all of the build up, I am actually here. I am grateful, glad, and overwhelmed at the thought that I will never drive up to my little green house in Ponderosa Hills again. But I am also poor in spirit because I am in a new place and I am looking down the road of a new baby coming, and a husband working and going to school full time. If I’m not poor in spirit, if I am just depressed it all seems so daunting, too much for me to handle. I am trying, at times unsuccessfully, to simply rest in Him and trust His good plan for me and my family. It’s hard recognizing and being humbled by the fact that I wouldn’t be here without people, and now those very people are 5 hours away. I don’t miss Sonora as much, but I definitely missed finding me some good hugs on Sunday morning! Lord, please have those on the horizon, I so miss them.

I have been blessed here. I am so happy we are living with housemates as not being alone has been a blessing to me. I, of course, love attending Bethel although I am not ashamed to admit that I was homesick for Chapel as I waited in line on Sunday to simply find a seat in the sanctuary. My kids are adjusting great, they are so happy and full of joy. Jake keeps asking, “Are we in Redding now?,” and we tell him that we actually made it and he smiles. He’s glad to be here. And Paul keeps reading his schedule for school and he’s ecstatic. And I’m jealous, for a minute. But past all of this, I keep feeling a little someone poking around my womb and I am becoming aware almost unconsciously that something bigger than all of this is brewing in my life and my family. New life. Corrie on the way.

I thought Redding would be our big breakthrough moment. Now we’re waiting on school to start, and Corrie to get here, and I for one would like to get all of our boxes unpacked. For now I just sit in my bed each night contemplating writing a blog about how humbled I feel, and I never get past the thought to write it down. Not sure why tonight is different other than our gracious, prayerful friends needed to know…you made all the difference, and we are abundantly blessed.