Learning to Dream

     I have never been much of a dreamer. My dream growing up was to get married and have kids. That was it. Since those things came true relatively early in life I have found myself in a bit of a conundrum. Don’t I have anything I want to accomplish? Living in Bethel culture you began to realize that it’s really stupid not to dream, especially when we serve a really big God who apparently gave us our dreams. Hmmm. Sometimes I forget to dream because I am in a season of such exhaustion and chaos that I feel like I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not that my kids are a cold, dark, dreary tunnel I dread traveling but puhlease, let’s not pretend that parenting toddlers is simple. I love those guys so much, but I feel anything but like a future educated world renown romantic novel series author.
So in the midst of my grief journey I thought it would be fun to read a fun book. Not “Beyond Grief,” which I am also reading. But something that would draw me close to the Father’s heart and help me to experience some enjoyment in his presence. Not sadness. So I found this book in my roommate’s office and immediately began to read it.

 I’m only a couple chapters in but it’s an interactive book to help the reader activate dreams in their heart. Like I said, I already have most of the things I dreamed up as a young person.
Doni loved to dream, like, really off the wall things that made me laugh. I definitely took all of her dream stories for granted because they went something like this: build a lighthouse onto the modular home, put in a lap pool at the bottom of the property, buy the property above the house and build the ultimate dream house so the kids (probably Summer and Paul) can save up money while they live in the lighthouse house. And until the dream house on top of the hill happened, they were going to knock out the office and that was going to be their lighthouse/bedroom and then their present bedroom was going to be knocked out and expanded so that it connected to the garage and that was going to be turned into a playroom for the grandchildren. Now it all makes me smile because I could probably draw you out the blueprint after hearing these dreams so many times. She also wanted to put wood floors in the house and paint the kitchen cabinets white, which she already had Wolf’s go ahead on she just didn’t have the time to do it. And she wanted to take all of us to Carmel so she could show us her favorite restaurants, and walk on the beach, and show the kids the aquarium. She told me about this nearly every time we talked. She even pitched this: her and I (and Sums) alone with the kids, going up for an entire week, and Paul and Wolf drive up later. I remember thinking, I am not going to Carmel 6 months pregnant without my husband… Now of course, I lament we never took this trip. The thing was, I was getting ready to have a baby, and my family was living in Redding, and her and Wolf were both in ill health, but she was still planning this trip. I love that about her now, I used to think it was fruitless to not give up on little things like that, but now that I miss her so much, I miss those dreams. I miss just hearing her talk. I don’t feel bad saying that because I usually couldn’t hide my “what?” face when she was telling me some of these things. My favorite times were when she’d talk about her dreams with Wolf around and then they’d have legitimate arguments concerning where the lighthouse would really go, or how expensive a lap pool would make their energy bill. I have to say, they were very content people, but they talked about their dreams too. And the moral of that story is, life is short. I know they went happy, and I know their number one dream was fulfilled, to know Jesus. But they are on my mind lately, especially as I have been making my list.
It’s ok to dream, even wacky things. So I am going to share my dream list that I made in the interactive section of this book using its guidelines. I wanted to be specific and broad, just whatever came to mind, even if it doesn't make any sense. It may not happen the way I imagine it, but nevertheless, there is no doubt in my mind that God planted these desires in my heart so I'm going for it.

To Be:
-Teacher (broad context here, not just school teacher, perhaps a religious teacher of some sort…)
-Author/Blogger
-Psychologist/Educated
-Foster family to troubled kids

To Do:
-Take a cruise with Paul (an addendum to this would be to take a vacation where we can stay in bed for an entire day)
-Finish my education, preferably Masters
-Finish my novel and get it published
-Adopt babies/kids (Family goal= about 8-10 of us)
-Decorate my own house
-Learn how to play guitar, and take voice lessons
-Go to Israel

To Have:
-Own my own house on farm land
-A colorful door on that house (Probably yellow, red, or aqua screen door)
-A big kitchen with an island that has a cutting board build into the counter top, with like a miniature trash shoot (I see these on TV, they exist!)
-Mini-van
-Healthy, happy family (If I get that, you can throw everything else out the window, BUT- it’s ok to dream)
-A happy husband
-Chickens
-Horses, cows, goats, lots of dogs, you get the picture (there better be animal hair all over that farm house!)

Financial:
-Bless Others A LOT
-Give each of our children a house, and education if they so desire
-Live debt free (including our house)
-Afford nourishing food, and provide others with the same (I have this vision of a beef raising program that for every ¼ of a cow someone buys, it will supply a food pantry or local family with the same…anyway, for another time. Paul has committed to slaughtering chickens and cows for me to cut out the middle man, yeah, my guy’s a pioneer man!)
-Afford property

Emotional:
-Contentment (as a mother and wife)
-No fear
-Happy marriage

Physical:
-Garden SUCCESSFULLY and produce abundantly
-Ride horses with my kids
-Own a bike…and use it
-Hike to Half Dome (this dream has been heavily influenced by Paul)

Spiritual:
-Trust God
-Know God fully, be known by God
-Refer to God as “Daddy” comfortably
-Minister the goodness and grace of God to others

Legacy
-Touch hundreds of lives, impart love, encourage, deliver
- Have all of our children know and love the Lord (we’re talking generational favor!)

There we go, that’s my list. I feel very motivated to get started on something (particularly the cruise one…). Now go make one too if you feel so inclined!