I love my country. I am one who sings about America on non-celebratory holidays. This last National Prayer Day I took time to intercede periodically, and read prophecies for America. If you know prophets, they have a tendency to be black or white. Basically, “The people are going to repent and we’ll see an outpouring of the Spirit of God or God will remove His hand of favor and we’re in big trouble.” I, too, believe we are at an enormous crossroads, and I want to forge a path towards victory by prayer and good parenting!
Allow me to explain. On National Prayer Day, I was feeling a little judgmental. While standing in the gap for this country, it takes a lot of intentional focusing on God to not feel a little slimy. The church and secular culture alike has given way to the slime. I am embarrassed to ask for God’s mercy, and yet, when I’m focusing on Him that’s what I hear Him calling me to do- mercy for us all.
During the day, my 2 year old asked for a glass of water. To cut down on dishes, we typically have a communal glass I refill multiple times a day. When you don’t own a dishwasher, communal cups and meals served on coffee filters are not uncommon. Anyway, my 2 year old said, “all gone,” and just as she held the glass out to me, it slipped through her sticky fingers and shattered on our tile floor. I really shouldn’t be allowed a tile floor. In either case, there went our 14th glass. I commanded my 2 year old to STAY on the bench while I slipped on shoes and returned to clean up the mess. My kitchen floor is horribly abandoned, and broken glasses are great excuses to sweep. As I went about it, my 2 year old noticed a cardboard tile from the dismantled Game of Life being swept into the dust pan and she began to fight for it with great toddler zeal, “MINE!”
I told her “No. It is mixed with glass and I will not get it. You have lots of tiles. Can I find another for you when I finish this?”
She leapt off the bench to throw her half naked body into the pile of glass, “MINE!” I lifted her from the pile without a scratch. In that moment, I heard the Lord, “This is the problem in America.”
What?
Bad parenting.
I hauled my 2 year old to “no fun time,” aka her crib, and came back to finish my job. The scene replayed in my head, my 2 year old tossing herself into a pile of glass for a LIFE tile, of which we have 30 hiding around our house. I could clearly see the danger, and yet, she had focused her narrow eyes on something minuscule. I thought about our slimy culture, the one I was praying for mercy upon, and what the Lord was trying to show me clicked: no one wants to hear the word NO.
But if you want your children to know God for all of their days, that word is going to come up. And they are going to have to decide how they feel about it.
How does our ego feel about that word?
Well, it’s a Bible word, and it’s packed with power and fire. It burns. When the word is spoken it is either ignored- with a heap of excuses. Or received- and it produces refinement.
I love giving my kids choices, and letting them operate in freedom. I love allowing consequences to give lessons. Still, I say ‘no’ sometimes, because that’s what God does. Standards are part of God’s nature, and it’s our place as parents to reflect that in a healthy manner to our children so they will receive the refinement, and not reject its purpose.
Here are some thoughts I have on when to use that word, and how to use it to draw your kids closer to God, and not away from Him.
1) Using “no” establishes your authority as a parent. Feel free to throw that back on God like so, “God told me that as your parent, I’m in charge of teaching you to be a kind and loving human being. Right now, what you’re doing is not appropriate because...” Keep in mind, God is the perfect authoritarian. I love the verse in Romans that says, “Notice God is both kind and severe.” You’re not a perfect parent, but you can capture the concept by speaking the truth in love. Sometimes the truth is, “No, you can’t do that,” and it’s because you love them. Don’t forget to explain that part, not just in words, but by spending time with your kids doing the things they love to do.
2) Get out of way. This is one of my core beliefs, and it just worked like a charm. My daughter has been getting into a Disney show that began showing witchcraft themes. We expose our kids to Disney movies and are pro-princess culture, right? But, I have gone through deliverance as a result of the spirit of witchcraft in my past, and I never want that for my kids. I am wary of themes in media that make witchcraft look healthy and normal. This show began teetering on that and my discernment was swirling. Whenever I see witchcraft in a movie, let’s say the movie Brave for example, we will sit down multiple times and I will tell my children, “Witchcraft is bad. It does not honor God. There is no such thing as a good witch.” My kids probably recite this in their sleep because we allow them freedom while laying a foundation of truth. Still, we have a discernment lead standard.
In this last situation, I really did not want to take the show from my daughter because I could see her heart was completely innocent. Still, the devil did not deserve a foothold. I took my own advice and decided to pull out my ‘no’ card.
Right away, she put up a fight, “BUT WHY???”
Remember, this is not a “because I said so,” deal. I explained this show had crossed the line.
Still, “But Moooom!!” I decided to make a deal with her. I said, “Get into the secret place and ask God if you can watch it. If He says you can, I’ll let you.”
[With my oldest son in the background hollering, "I already asked God and he said NO." I'm not condoning his holier than thou approach!]
She sighed, “I don’t think I’m going to watch it anymore...it's just too much magic for me.”
The atmosphere changed and she gladly chose another show. Later she was playing a Disney game on the I-pad and she came to tell me, "I tried playing a game from that show, buuuuut I turned it off because I saw the same magic in it that was in the show."
Oh my heart. I gave her the biggest hug and reassured her, "You are going to change the world, girlfriend."
3) Save your ‘no’s’ for life or death situations. God doesn’t say ‘no' for the sake of being harsh, but because He sees the glass. And that 100% includes moral dilemmas. Immorality leads to death, and unlike your child falling off a cliff and resting in the arms of Jesus, the kind of death sin leads to is separation from God. Always take the time to say ‘no’ to unkindness, violent sibling rivalry, lying, stealing, cursing and the likes. There are so many opportunities for positive parenting and redirecting. In fact, many parenting approaches now discourage the word ‘no’ and instead tell you to say, “How about this instead?” That’s all fine and good, but when there sin is involved, I take the time to tell my kids ‘no'.
4) Show them the glass. Explain to them unkindness (or whatever the offense was) leads to a lonely life with no friends. Remind them how stepping on glass feels, in other words, how it felt when someone was unkind to them. Help pull them up, guide their eyes away from the chaos to two people, them and their sibling, or friend, or even YOU. Pull them up, and pull them out. By this, I mean, what’s in their heart? Were they offended? Angry? Hurt? Scared? Most naughty behavior stems from these places. Bad fruit has a root. Have them make appropriate amends for the fruit, but you and them and God need to deal with the root.
Now speaking of roots, the lack of the word 'no' in our culture is not the only cause for corruption.
But roots are.
Roots are deep and broad and can rarely be seen above the surface. Yet, they produce a variety of fruit, both sweet and sour. Let’s speak on the sour though: lying, cheating, addiction, perversion, money-worship, fame-worship, all of this and more, traced back to a root. Roots are typically unmet needs. They flourish when we believe lies that help us to cope with the shame and fear that follow a lifestyle of coddling our unmet needs, as opposed to healing them through Godly identity.
Some parents are really good at saying ‘no’. In fact, I heard a mother at the park several days ago who was especially good at it, with a couple curse words thrown in, and a slap. Certainly when I promote telling our children 'no,' this is a non-existent item on my agenda. America has a problem because her people are lacking their Godly identity, which is meant to be reflected by loving, firm, kind, severe, patient, persistent, consistent parenting.
The reason kids, including God’s grown up kids, do not appreciate hearing 'no' is because they learned from their parents that it wasn’t a good thing. 'No' meant punishment and discipline and being wrong. 'No' meant you don’t get your way.
There are higher and better ways to use the word 'no' in our children’s lives. Ways that will burn away human nature {yes, sometimes that isn’t pleasant} but will produce sweet fruit, exceptional character, and above all else, a yieldedness towards Godly authority. I pray this fruit for all of your children, and declare that as our children choose to willingly submit to a loving authority, they will be unstoppable as they age. They will become an underground resistance that will rise up in a short amount of time and change the destiny of this country, to forever rest in the favor God gives to all who are faithful, obedient, and desire His righteousness.
Also, here is a sequel to this blog post: Kindness
No comments:
Post a Comment